WWE New Year's Revolution 2005 Review

WWE New Years Revolution




The WWE Network has been substantially eating into my life since I signed up just before the Royal Rumble.



Despite the odd case of bizarre music dubbing (Prince Iaukea’s faux “Purple Rain” theme is edited out but X-Factors “Uncle Kracker” theme remains intact?) I’ve been having a mighty fine time watching the shows and Pay Per Views that I had never seen before but had always wanted to.



I’ve also been re-watching shows that I have seen before, just to see whether the crusty hands of time have altered my memories of them in anyway.



Sometimes I’ll want to watch a show for a particular reason, but other times I’ll just skim through the shows on offer until I see one that I feel like watching.



New Years Revolution was a show I hadn’t watched since way back in 2005 when it first happened. I remember being a bit “meh” on it when it first happened, while also remembering a lot of people on the internet complaining about it. Thus, I decided to watch it again.



The event took place in San Juan, Puerto Rico. To my knowledge, this has been the first and last time that WWE produced a live Pay Per View Event from Puerto Rico. The crowd were, understandably, excited to see such a big event.



Commentators for the show were Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler, with Jonathon Coachman popping in towards the end as well.



Opening Match



Raw Tag Titles

Champions – William Regal and Eugene

Vs

Challengers – Tyson Tomko and Christian



The Background

This was back before the Raw and Smackdown Tag Titles had been unified. The Eugene character was an interesting one to say the least. Played by Nick Dinsmore, Eugene was Eric Bischoff’s storyline nephew who had some form of Special Needs. It was never outright said by WWE that this was the case, but it was strongly implied that he was mentally ill (Although WWE never felt it was relevant to furnish us with what Mental Illness he actually had)



As a consequence, Eugene had a childlike innocence to him. His other main character trait was that he was a huge wrestling fan, who had watched wrestling so much that he had developed the ability to copy the moves of his favourite wrestlers like some form of savant. At first, the gimmick was popular and it looked like Eugene was going to reach higher parts of the card than originally expected. However, during the summer of 2004 he’d taken part in a feud with Triple H, which had ended with him being decisively beaten. He faded into the mid card before becoming nothing more than enhancement talent.



Upon his debut, William Regal had been assigned to Eugene by Eric Bischoff, so as to look after him. At first Regal had hated the idea, but during the ensuing months, he grew to care for Eugene and they ended up firm friends and Tag Team Champions to boot.



Tomko was essentially just Christian’s muscle, brought in to be his “Problem Solver”. Christian himself was firmly entrenched as a sneaky mid card heel. He would eventually leave WWE later in 2005, frustrated with his lack of push.



There wasn’t really a particular heated storyline going into this. Christian and Tomko were essentially just “Challengers of the Month” and this was the show they were to get their shot.



The Match

Pretty much a standard opening tag contest. Eugene performed a lot of comedy in the opening exchanges, which the crowd responded to reasonably well. Eugene and Christian entered solid enough performances but Regal had an off night and Tomko wasn’t particularly good at this point in his career. There were a couple of instances where Tomko and Regal were on different pages and had some sloppy exchanges as consequence.



Christian entered a serviceable performance. He looked annoyed at Eugene when he was supposed to, taunted the crowd now and then and was basically just “there”. Disappointing from him really, considering his experience in tag wrestling. Tomko lumbered around and did what he could. Regal seemed to not have his head together at all for this for some reason. Maybe he was carrying an injury or was struggling with fatigue due to the travel involved to get to San Juan?



Heels got the heat on Eugene as well as a further heat on Regal. Eugene got the hot tag but injured himself during his comeback. He threw a dropkick and landed very badly on his leg, causing a legit injury. The match was hastily ended, with Eugene getting a weak roll up on Tomko.



WINNERS – EUGENE AND REGAL



RATING - *1/2



OVERALL THOUGHTS – Standard formula tag match with an abrupt ending due to Eugene’s injury. Can’t really fault any of the guys in the match for the finish, as they were making the best of a bad situation. The match up to that point had been average at best and would have probably ended up around the ** mark if the ending had gone as planned. Basic opener that the crowd responded to well.



I should point out that there were numerous skits by the swimming pool involving Maria, Christy Hemme, Candice Michelle and Stacy Keibler in bikini’s. It all built up to them having a chicken fight in the pool. It was what it was, but didn’t really add anything to the show and I must question actually paying to take them to San Juan just for that.



Second Match



Women’s Title

Champion – Lita

Vs

Challenger – Trish Stratus



The Background

In storyline, Lita had been forced to marry Kane and was due to give birth to his Demon Spawn™ until an unforeseen accident, which we’ll cover in more detail later on, caused her to miscarry.



Trish, being the heel of the piece, decided to mock Lita about losing her baby. It was tasteless but at least created the desired reaction of fans wanting to see Lita beat Trish up, so every cloud. The two had an abrupt match at Survivor Series which had ended in a Disqualification, and was notable for Lita causing Trish to bleed from her nose.



The re-match was a hotly contested bout on Raw, that was actually the Main Event on that particular show, which saw Lita win the title clean to gain a measure of revenge. This was probably the highest status the much beleaguered Women’s Title would ever reach in WWE.



The match on this show was a continuation of the storyline.



The Match

Unfortunately this was the second match on the show that had to go home early due to a legit injury. Lita dove off the apron early in the bout and injured her leg severely. Unable to carry on, an audible was called and Trish kicked Lita to win the match and the title.



WINNER – TRISH STRATUS



RATING – I can’t really give it one as there wasn’t much of a match up to the injury and it would be unfair to mark the ladies down for having to go home early.



OVERALL THOUGHTS – Looked like it was going to be another solid match between the two before the injury. I’m not sure if Trish was due to win anyway and they just went to the planned finish early, or if Lita was due to win and they changed the finish on the fly. Lita would come back after this to help train Trish’s Wrestlemania opponent Christy Hemme. However, the feud would fizzle out in Spring as both women would take their characters in different directions



Third Match



Intercontinental Title

Champion – Shelton Benjamin

Vs

Challenger – Maven



The Background

Maven was fresh off a heel turn around this show. I can’t pinpoint the exact date, but I know he was a face at Survivor Series so it was sometime between that show and this one.



Shelton had been champion since October when he’d defeated Chris Jericho. He’d been pushed as an Upper Mid Card face that could hang with the Main Eventers, but didn’t often defeat them.



Maven had pinned Benjamin in a tag match to set up his role as challenger.



The Match

This match got a lot of negativity at the time but I remembered loving it then and I still love it now. Maven stalled for a few minutes at the start of the match, drawing a decent amount of heat while doing so. Finally, he couldn’t stand it anymore and rolled out of the ring to grab a microphone.



He cut a promo on the audience telling them to be quiet as they were distracting him. This of course only caused the fans to boo him louder and yell obscenities at him in Spanish. Maven continued to insult the crowd declaring “I can’t concentrate with you talking all that gibberish” which went down about as well as you could imagine and still cracks me up every time I see it.



After cutting his promo, Maven finally got into the ring again where he was promptly rolled up by Benjamin for the win. Fabulous!



WINNER – SHELTON BENJAMIN



RATING – Again, I can’t really rate it as a traditional wrestling match because it was essentially an angle more than anything else.



OVERALL THOUGHTS – A lot of people got cheesed off by this match back in the day because having something like this on a Pay Per View was seen as a rip off. I really don’t see that though. To me, a Maven Vs Shelton match would hardly have been a classic. It would have been, at best, an average mid card match and nothing more.



By booking it the way they did, it made the match unique and also gave Maven a great opportunity to get his smarmy heel act over. He was excellent in this and incited the crowd beautifully. Plus, it was funny to watch the arrogant heel get his comeuppance and it made Shelton look strong in the process.



If the first two matches hadn’t had abrupt finishes as a result of injuries, this match probably wouldn’t have received as much of a backlash as it did. I think the fact they followed two interrupted matches with an extended angle made people have a more negative view of this match than was deserved.



Following the match, Maven called Shelton back in to face him again, as he wasn’t ready previously. Shelton obliged, drilled him with a T-Bone Suplex, and beat him again. Marvellous!



Fourth Match



Muhammad Hassan with Daivari

Vs

Jerry Lawler with Jim Ross



The Background

With Islamaphobia rife throughout the Western World, the WWE decided to deal with it in their usual calm and measured way, by debuting Hassan as a stereotypical angry Muslim.



At first, it seemed like they were going to go a different direction with the gimmick and play up the idea that Hassan and Daivari were both normal Americans who were mistreated just because they happened to look Asian (Hassan himself was actually Italian) but by this show they’d gone the whole hog and had just made them evil men who wanted to put Americans in The Camel Clutch.



Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler had gotten on the bad side of the two, by decrying their Anti-American comments, so naturally a match was made between the potential hot new heel Hassan and the aging half retired Lawler. This was supposed to get Hassan over somehow. Don’t look at me, I didn’t book it



The Match

The first problem with the match is the length. It takes up nearly 10 minutes, which is far too long for what it needed to be. Secondly, with Lawler wrestling and Ross seconding him, the match had no commentary whatsoever, which only hurt it further.



Hassan sold far too much for a guy they supposedly had top card plans for. He should have polished Lawler off pretty quickly and moved on to fry bigger fish, but that’s not how the match was booked at all.



The work wasn’t particularly thrilling either. I like Jerry Lawler and think he is a good storyteller in the ring, but this match was just flat and uninteresting. Hassan eventually pinned Lawler with a Complete Shot after a tedious contest.



WINNER – MUHAMMAD HASSAN



Rating - *



OVERALL THOUGHTS – Boring match that did nothing to elevate Hassan and was a waste of Lawler’s Legend Status. Hassan would start gaining a little bit of momentum over the following months once he started working with fulltime roster members. He’d even get to face Hulk Hogan at Backlash. In the summer of 2005, he was traded to Smackdown and was positioned to be Batista’s Summer Slam foil.



However, in the build up to a match with The Undertaker where he’d earn his #1 Contendership status to Batista’s Title, WWE shot an offensive angle where a group of balaclava clad mercenaries attacked Undertaker with a piano wire while Hassan prayed outside the ring. Awful as this was, WWE probably would have got away with it, but two days after it was shot there was an Islamic Fundamentalist attack on London.



WWE couldn’t edit the footage in time, or so they claimed, so instead played a pitiful disclaimer at the bottom of the screen while the angle commenced. This netted them a boatload of negative publicity and things got so bad that they decided to “kill off” the Hassan character at that year’s Great American Bash. Undertaker Power Bombed him off a stage and we never saw him again. Ah, WWE, classy till the end. Marc Copani, who played Hassan, got into acting I think. I wish him well to be honest; it wasn’t like he booked any of the stuff that got WWE in hot water. He was essentially made the scapegoat and kicked to the curb, when he’d merely been doing what he was told.



Fifth Match



Snitsky

Vs

Kane



The Background

Remember the whole “Lita being pregnant” thing from the second match? WWE decided that they wouldn’t deliver on Lita actually having a child with Kane. With that decision made, they needed a way of getting rid of the imaginary child. Snitsky was the man who ended up with that job.



One week Gene Snitsky was just there on Raw, and nothing would ever be the same again. After Kane had forced Lita to carry his wicked offspring, he then naturally followed that up with the logical step of forcing her to marry him. Ah, young love.



This led to a number of occasions where they’d squabble and Kane would lose a match or two as direct consequence. Kane was booked against Snitsky on Raw one week, who everyone watching just assumed was an enhancement guy who was there to put Kane over. Oh, if only we had been so lucky.



In fact, Kane and Lita had another one of their weekly arguments during the match. While they argued, Snitsky grabbed a nearby chair and walloped Kane in the back with it. The force of the chair shot sent Kane tumbling onto Lita, thus causing her to miscarry.



“Hmm” I thought “It’s strange that they’d use a Jobber of the Week for this sort of angle as opposed to a recurring character”. Oh how wrong I was. Because Snitsky was not there as part of a one shot deal, no sir. Next week on television, Jim Ross interviewed Snitsky about the incident. Snitsky, showing no compassion or sympathy, simply declared that “It wasn’t my Fault!” and thus a catchphrase was born.



Snitsky continued to show no lament for his actions. In fact, he even seemed perversely proud of them. At one point he even punted a doll into the crowd! Snitsky was here to stay and WWE decided to go all the way with him and actually let him put Kane out of action in October for a prolonged period of time. This show was Kane’s return and he was looking for revenge.



The Match

This is a strange one for me. The match told a decent story and had sustained crowd heat throughout. However, both men got very tired and as consequence the offence on display was beyond sloppy.



At one point, the brawl spilled to the outside of the ring and Snitsky removed the protective mats, exposed the dreaded concrete. Snitsky then tried to Piledrive Kane onto said concrete, but Kane countered with a back drop and Snitsky took a bump on the unprotected floor. This was a standard spot but the crowd went nuts for it. San Juan really, REALLY liked Kane and it made the match much more entertaining than it normally would have been.



There was some good progression in the match as far as storytelling. Earlier on, Kane tried his Top Rope Clothesline, but Snitsky countered with a raised boot. Later on Kane tried it again and this time managed to get it, which popped the crowd. I don’t know why, but I liked the little touch of him failing the first time. It made it seem like he’d achieved something when he finally connected with the move.



There were some slow points though. Snitsky used at least two rest holds throughout the bout. And, as much as I’d like to ignore it, the work wasn’t good. Snitsky in particular was out of position a few times and hit some sloppy looking moves.



In the end, Kane drilled Snitsky with a Tombstone to pick up the victory, but it was a very ugly looking one that almost ended in disaster. Kane lost his grip of Snitsky on the move and nearly dropped him right on top of his head. It gave me cause to shudder when they showed the replay.



WINNER – KANE



RATING - *1/2



OVERALL THOUGHTS – I’m torn on this one. I was hovering around ** for it but I couldn’t in good conscience give a match this awful that high of a rating. The work in this match leaves a lot to be desired, but both guys work really hard and the live crowd enjoyed it. I personally enjoyed it as well and got into the story of the match, but in the cold harsh reality of star ratings, this was a bad match. Still, I give props to both men as the match build and story made sense and they were clearly putting their all into it.



The feud raged on for a bit longer after this and there was a genuine possibility that Wrestlemania would feature Kane and Undertaker Vs Snitsky and Heidenreich, but thankfully WWE came to their senses and we weren’t subject to having that atrocity foisted upon us.



Main Event



Elimination Chamber for The Vacant Raw World Title

Shawn Michaels as Guest Referee

Triple H with Ric Flair

Vs

Edge

Vs

Batista

Vs

Chris F’ing Benoit

Vs

Chris Jericho

Vs

Randy Orton



The Background

Triple H had won the Title in September, cutting the legs off hot new babyface Orton in the process, and held it until December of 2004. Due to a disputed finish in a Triple Threat Match between Triple H, Edge and Benoit, the belt was held up with the new Champion to be crowned in the Elimination Chamber



Michael’s was instilled as Trouble Shooting Referee™, thanks in large part to having issues with pretty much everyone in the match at some point or another. At this point though Michaels was firmly entrenched in a feud with Edge, who was trying to get over as an opportunistic heel. It would take winning the first ever Money In The Bank Match and stealing Matt Hardy’s bird to finally get Edge past the Upper Midcard to Main Event barrier. At this point he was a moderately over heel with something missing.



The big story going into the match was the rise of Batista. Obstensibly he was there merely to help Triple H win, but ever so small cracks were starting to appear in his relationship with Triple H. Hints were given that maybe he’d take the Title for himself.



Orton was pretty much dead in the water as a face by this point and would be a heel again about a month after this. Ditto for Jericho, although his heel turn would take a bit longer. Benoit was coming off probably the most successful year of his career, which had seen him win the Title at Wrestlemania XX and generally have great matches with everyone from Triple H to Sylvain Grenier.



The Match

What struck me first off was how over everyone in the match was. The San Juan crowd gave everyone, barring Edge, a babyface reaction. Triple H, the companies top heel at the time, received a thunderous ovation, as did Batista. Edge was seemingly the only one to draw any heel heat on his way to the ring. As a result, everyone was clearly jazzed by the reaction and were all up for having a good match.



With such a collection of excellent workers, the match was naturally a good watch. Benoit and Jericho started out and hit each other really hard, as they were always want to do. Edge’s elimination eventually came at the hands of Michaels. Edge had clobbered Michaels by mistake, so a perturbed Michaels had Super Kicked him to lead to a pinfall. Benoit and Jericho had Triple in a dual submission, causing him to be rescued by Batista



Batista was given scalps of both Benoit and Jericho and was generally booked very strong. It eventually came down to Batista, Orton and Triple H. Orton was able to clock Batista with an RKO and eliminate him. Of interest though was the fact that Triple H could have potentially saved Batista, but he instead left him to his fate. This was a nice subtle touch that added another layer to the Evolution storyline.



Batista eventually clocked Orton with a Lariat before leaving The Chamber, which allowed Triple H to spike Orton with a Pedigree to beat him once again.



WINNER – TRIPLE H



Rating - ****



OVERALL THOUGHTS – An excellent Main Event that made Batista look like a monster while also sowing the seeds for his eventual face turn a month later. Orton was made to look like a chump again, but that was par for the course at this point in his babyface run.



Benoit, as always, was the glue that held everything together and Edge gave a good showing of himself up until his elimination. Back in the day, I very much had a feeling of “What was the point of all that if the belt just ends up with Triple H again?”, but looking at it now I feel a bit differently.



This was the match that tied up some loose ends while also laying down the tarmac for the Road to Wrestlemania. This was the match that essentially finished Orton as a top level face, ending that chapter of his career so he could switch back heel in time for his match at Wrestlemania with The Undertaker. It also set up the Edge and Michaels marriage for the next month, which in turn led to Michaels Vs Angle for Wrestlemania while also giving Edge something else to complain about before he won the briefcase at Mania.



And it also set Batista up as a monster, while also teasing that at some point he might kick Evolution to the curb. This match was the perfect way to get things rolling for Wrestlemania and it was a brilliant match to boot!



OVERALL SHOW THOUGHTS – Not a particularly great show this one, but it does have its moments. I would recommend watching maybe just The Maven/Shelton match and the Chamber match on The Network. Kane/Snitsky is an acquired taste, but you may get some enjoyment out of it if you fast forward through the rest holds and can put up with the sloppy offence.



Peace Out

Dominik Diamonds Are Forever: My Top 20 Favourite Video Games - Numbers 20 to 16

Video Games, I chuffing love them I do. I’ve loved them from a very young age. They excite me, they frustrate me, they entertain me and they enchant me. Some of the warmest and fuzziest memories of my youth are related to playing games, either alone or with friends. Such was my love, I decided to write a blog post about my 20 favourite games of all time.

Please note that this is about my own personal favourite 20 games, not a list of what I consider are the best of all time. These are just the games that, for whatever reason, I’ve had the most joy playing over the past 20 years or so. With that caveat firmly in place, let’s let the worms out of the can and begin, controversially, with number 20.

 

Number 20: Goof Troop (Super Nintendo)

This might be seen by some as a strange choice being that this game is essentially just a Zelda knock off using a Disney franchise that never really set the world on fire. Goof Troop was serviceable Saturday morning entertainment that never truly wowed or could match up to other Disney shows of the period.

The game itself has a pretty silly premise, but at least one that lends itself well to entertainment. While out fishing, Goofy and Max’s pals are abducted by pirates, leaving the Goof Family as their only source of salvation. Thus follows 5 levels of pirate fighting mayhem across a chaotic tropical island.

The gameplay is nothing especially unique. You defeat the pirates by throwing objects like barrels at them or by pushing them into the ocean with a grappling hook. There are some notable highlights on hand though. For example, one of the levels involves you traipsing through a haunted castle, which is both atmospheric and genuinely fiendish in regards to some of it’s puzzles. Suits of armour stand upright but suddenly spark to life at a moments notice to chase you around the room. A young me found that genuinely unnerving when I first experienced it.

The reason the game makes the list though is quite simply for the sheer fun I had playing it with my mate Jim back in our younger days. The game encourages team work and also patience, especially when dealing with some of the puzzles. One of the main puzzle types involve kicking concrete blocks into place to open doors. For an example of how frustrating, and in-turn hilarious, this can be I suggest you search out the Game Grumps video where they play the game.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0IqCzvN_FE (Game Grumps Link)

Complaints about the game would be that the enemies can sometimes be overly cheap and the fact that it blatantly rips off Legend of Zelda. Still, if you’re going to pay homage to another game, it might as well be a good one. The fact they eventually made a co-op Zelda game highlights that this game has it's merits.

Top fun this one, especially when played with a friend, hence why it makes the top 20.

Number 19: Super Mario World (Super Nintendo)

Some of you may think this is too far down the list, but considering the hundreds of games I’ve played over my lifetime, being my 19^thfavourite of all doesn’t seem as much of a slight to me as it may be to others reading this.

This game is outrageously good of course. I’ve played it all the way through many a time and I always like coming back to it now and then for another go. The graphics are bright and colourful, the gameplay is both fun and perfectly weighted in regards to difficulty (Aside from Tubular, I lost hours of my childhood to that bloody level!) and the music is both enchanting and eternally catchy.

This was the biggest Mario game yet, with branching over world design, new power ups and the debut of Yoshi as a Dinosaur pal that you could ride like a green, jovial stead into battle. For a young me this was Earth shattering brand new stuff and it blew my tiny little mind.

This game is true classic, a genuine triumph of design and an absolute delight to play. It was a warm nostalgic blanket for Generation X and a chance for those of us in Generation Y to dip our toes in the Mario ocean and realise that the water was lovely.

Number 18: Tomb Raider (X-Box 360/Playstation 3)

The original Tomb Raider games on the PC and Playstation were revolutionary releases that I was absolutely awful at. I remember struggling as far as level 5 in Tomb Raider 2 before I got so enraged with the difficulty that I flung the disc across my living room in disgust. The original Tomb Raider games were absolutely merciless and I was one of the many intrepid gamers that were forced into submission by their destructive difficulty.

As a result, I grew to think of Lara Croft with nothing but contempt. I think I played Tomb Raider 3 a grand total of once at a mate’s house, got killed in about 15 seconds on the first level and promptly gave up on the campaign. I did enjoy locking the butler in the freezer though, that was always a laugh.

So when I heard that Lara was getting dug out of the mothballs for a Next Gen outing, I was sceptical that I’d be interested. Indeed, when the game first came out I passed on it entirely. However, I started hearing murmurs that this was a very good game and when I saw it cheap in Grainger Games I decided to take the plunge and give it a go. I didn’t regret it.

This game is excellent stuff. It wastes no time in kicking the ever loving fudge out of poor Lara, and if the game were real she probably wouldn’t even make it past the first set piece. There are a barrage of villains and wild animals to deal with and the difficulty curve is nicely weighted.

What I enjoyed most about the game though was how it felt like I was playing a genuine Hollywood blockbuster. Scenery collapses around you as you try to outrun toppling mountains and crashing planes. It is an unmistakable thrill ride and completely immersive. One scene in the game is literally just Lara climbing a gigantic radio tower in order to send out a message. With nary an enemy in sight, Lara has to assail the massive structure. What could very easily be a tedious process is actually a very rewarding one. When Lara finally makes it to the top after such an agonising climb, you genuinely feel like you and her have achieved something together.

This game took me completely by surprise and I can only applaud it for transplanting Lara back to the forefront of gaming. For a long time it had seemed like the Tomb Raider franchise had become a relic of a past age, something that Lara herself would be searching a dilapidated hillside to find. But now it’s back, only to flush away all the goodwill it captured by becoming an X-Box Exclusive. Ah, the gaming industry.

Number 17: Street Fighter II: Turbo (Super Nintendo/Mega Drive/Arcade)

God I loved Street Fighter. It must have been the bane of my parent’s existence. If we passed any arcade that had it (Arcades, remember them?) I would immediately beg them to let me play it. They’d normally say no of course, but that didn’t stop me asking. Every. Single. Time.

I just loved this game. I’ll never forget the thrill of completing it for the first time and then seeing one of the cut scenes. Such things were new to me at the time. I still remember completing it with Ken and then watching as he got married and just thinking it was one of the coolest things I’d ever seen. This wasn’t even full motion video either.

Beat-em-ups are a bit of an acquired taste, especially now that they are all about ridiculous combos and seemingly every franchise has just got sillier and sillier as time has progressed. Back when this game came out though, it was a simpler time. Ryu was the good guy who could throw fireballs and Bison was the bad guy who could fly across the screen. Everyone in the game hated him for one reason or another and they were all lining up to kick his arse in a Street Fighting Tournament. Nice, simple and easy to comprehend.

The gameplay in the earlier editions of the series was built about knowing when to time your block and how to avoid the insane cheapness of some of the opposing fighters. Fighters like Sagat would throw both high and low fireballs at you, so you’d diligently dodge them only to walk right into a Tiger Uppercut. Sagat would then laugh at your pathetic broken carcass. Ah, memories.

If you ask me, the more simplistic Street Fighter experience was the one I enjoyed the most. Who cares about wacky combos that cause the screen to flash and change colour? Street Fighter II: Turbo made you think tactically. You could be stuck in the corner with literally no health, biding your time for that one Hadouken or flying punch/kick that you needed to win. Waiting patiently as Vega climbed the cage so you could catch him with an uppercut at just the right moment when he leapt down to attack you is still one of the most satisfying things you can do in a video game.

And if you had friends, this game could potentially last forever. This is my childhood, hear it roar!

Number 16: Grand Theft Auto V (X-Box 360/Playstation 3/X-Box One/Playstation 4)

The most recent game to make the list and it more than earns its place. You talk about immersion in video games, well look no further than GTA V. The PS4 version takes an already stacked game and just makes it even bigger.

The city this game is set in actually feels alive. There are thousands of computer generated people, cars and animals, all getting on with their own existence as you survive through your own whilst playing as one of the three central characters.

As you stroll down by the beach, people are walking their dogs or are chatting on their phones. I randomly passed a gruff middle aged black man who was in the middle of a phone call with his wife blaming her for his erectile dysfunction. This actually happened, they paid an actor to come in and read the lines for this, on the 1000/1 off chance that someone might randomly hear it.

The level of detail to the little things in this game is both incredibly impressive and also a little bit terrifying. I’ve spoken to people who don’t even bother with the story missions. They just boot up the game and go for a drive in the Los Santos sun. I spent a good 20 minutes during one play session just going for a walk and taking pictures.

When you can tear yourself away from the scenery, the game itself is excellent. The game is built around three crooks who are looking to complete a number of heists in order to make ends meat. Michael has been forcibly retired for nearly a decade, but is getting the itch to get back in. Franklin is a young wannabe gangster from the streets who is looking for his first big job. And then there’s Trevor. I don’t think I can adequately explain just how bizarre Trevor is, you’ll have to play the game. The man is freaking cucaracha though and no mistake.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozI1Hslg6zY 

All in all, this game will eat into your free time. No matter how late it is or how long you’ve been playing, it’s very hard to fight the urge to complete just one more mission. Top stuff.

That's enough for now I think. I'll be back soon with 15-11

This and That: Rangers FC - How to kill a football club twice over

Glasgow Rangers, is that even their name anymore?, is a veritable mess of epic proportions. Ally McCoist’s recent resignation only adds to the general mad house vibe that the club is under at the moment. Decisions seem to be made on a whim, stadium naming rights are sold for £1, attendances are dropping and the general fan base seems at their wits end.

McCoist’s resignation is just another chapter in the seemingly never ending saga of this once successful clubs collapse. I know some snarky people will reply with “What success? This club has only been in existence for 2 seasons!”, but let’s be real about this. As fun as it is to use that stick to beat the slightly more unedifying part of the Rangers support with, this Newco is still very much the Rangers we all knew and loved/loathed (Pick where applicable)

Such an exaggerated collapse of a once powerful institution is something to behold and a dire warning to other clubs. What irks me about all this though is how Rangers just don’t seem to have learnt their lesson. I mean, I don’t think they’ve learnt a single solitary thing from the events that landed them where they are. This isn’t just random Old Firm Bashing either. When you compare a club like Rangers to a club in a similar position, such as Hearts, the differences are staggering.

Hearts found themselves in financial disarray and with a big point deduction to boot. Knowing they didn’t have money to spend, Hearts instead cultivated their younger players and essentially took the pressure off Gary Locke to do what he needed to do to right the ship, pretty much writing a season off. Hearts eventually finished bottom and were relegated, but had it not been for the points deduction they would have likely stayed up. Not only that, a lot of the young lads from last season are now helping Hearts to be top of The Scottish Championship.

In comparison, Rangers realised they didn’t have money to spend, but just went out and spent it anyway. McCoist was put under immediate pressure to get Ranger’s up the leagues, even to the detriment of the sides future development, and as such he didn’t want to risk it all on the youth team. As a result, he shored up the side with journeymen players on inflated wages and slowly started flushing away what was left of the clubs finances. This directly plunged Ranger’s deep into the darkness once more.

McCoist to this day is adamant that signing experienced pro’s was the way forward as opposed to taking his chances with the youth players. This raises questions about both McCoist himself, the Club and also the youth facilities at Rangers disposal.

In regards to McCoist, it questions his attitude to the development of players and also his management style. McCoist's actions during his time as manager have suggested that he lives very much in the short term. His desire for instant gratification seems to mirror that of the board and the Rangers support. This doesn’t mean that he won’t be capable of any success as a manager in the future, but it does suggest that he will be a manager who doesn’t stay at a club for long. It suggests he’ll be someone who will drop in for a couple of years, possibly win something and then move on for the next challenge. If there was any club where you’d expect him to play the long game, it would be Rangers, but that’s not at all what has happened here.

Of Course, an argument could be made that McCoist had little choice in this instance. Rather than rebuilding the club gradually, perhaps at the expense of immediate promotion in the very first season, it was clear that Rangers felt they had to come straight back up as quickly as possible, and placed pressure on McCoist accordingly. Now, I understand that Rangers is a big club and the idea to supporters and board that they’d spend even one season longer in a lower division than they had to was an intolerable one at best, but surely it made sense for the club to take their time and not rush things?

And what does it say about the standard of Rangers youth academy? This was a situation where it would have been both cost effective and also an opportunity for some positive PR to give some of the younger players a chance. However, the manager was so terrified that they’d fail that he decided to pass on them and sign veterans and journeymen instead, journeymen that likely wouldn’t be up to much if Rangers were to make it back to the top division.

This then raises the question, is the youth academy really this bad or did McCoist simply not have the moral fortitude to give them a chance? Now look, I know that’s easy for me to say and to point out that I'm just musing in a column while McCoist was in a high pressure situation and yada yada yada, but let’s remember who this is. Ally McCoist is a club legend and, as a result, you would think he’d have the clubs best interests at heart right? How on Earth then does spending them into a gaping abyss, while taking a pretty sweet wage himself I might add, help the club? Surely it would be better for the club if he’d gone to board and said “Look, I want to play the kids. Give me at least a years wiggle room”, rather than just throwing money that they didn't have at a problem that didn't require it?

If the board then said no and he decided not to take the job, could anyone really blame him? What was McCoist’s end game? Was he thinking “I’ll just spend the money we don’t have because eventually these people will be bought out”? How is that even close to a viable plan when managing a football club, especially one that you're puported to love?

In the interest of balance though, maybe McCoist did have a point that the lads in the youth squad just weren’t good enough? If that were the case, how could Rangers have allowed such a situation to befall them? I can only imagine the amount of young footballers who would jump at the chance to sign a contract with Rangers, regardless of where they were in the league system. Rangers are a hugely popular club. Is it really feasible that Rangers couldn’t cultivate enough talented youngsters for McCoist to use in his team? Their youth facilities in general seem to be to a decent standard. I just find it hard to believe. If Hearts could do it, in a more difficult league in fact, why couldn’t Rangers?

Was anyone even remotely concerned with the long term ramifications of what the club was doing in those two seasons in League Two and One? Wouldn’t there be merit to the club gradually building itself back up rather than spending themselves back into a hole in a desperate bid to climb the divisions as quickly as possible?

The board failed to be honest with the fan base. I know that it sucks to be the bearer of bad news. I work in complaints and that role naturally entails me to sometimes be the first person to actually tell a customer the truth. There is nothing more galling than speaking to a customer who has been told exactly what they wanted to hear on more than one occasion only to kick off when you actually explain what the situation truly is.
If the board had just come clean with the fans and told them that they had to cut their cloth accordingly and manage expectations, maybe there would have been less pressure on McCoist and the coaching staff to get Rangers up the leagues? Maybe McCoist would have felt more confident giving the lads from the youth squad a chance in that scenario? Maybe Rangers could have spent a season in League Two building up the lads and getting them experience?

Not all of them would have come through obviously, but enough of them could have potentially developed into decent players so that Rangers would have been one step closer to self-efficiency. The board could have then hoarded the money for 2-3 seasons with the real promise that they would spend it when the club reached the Championship, where the expected gulf between the top divisions and the lower half would have required such action.

There was always a risk that the kids wouldn’t be up to it, but then that’s one of the pitfalls of going into administration. Rangers, despite what some may think, do not have a divine right to compete in Scotland’s top division. Part of going into administration is because you have been financially imprudent. To be put into administration, dropped down three leagues and then continue to be financially imprudent is just plain insanity. After all, the definition of insanity is to the do the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result.

Some clubs, such as Chelsea and Man United, can afford to live in the short term. Their futures are almost assuredly financially secure, so they can take gambles on big money for players and if it doesn’t work out, they can just buy another. Rangers could not afford to live in the short term. They had the chance to create a long term plan that would enable them to climb the leagues while ensuring that they were also financially stable.

They should have been patient with expectations

They should have been honest with the support and managed their expectations

They should have been firmer with McCoist in regards to finance but also placed less pressure on him in relation to timescales

They should have promoted and played their best youth prospects before they got into the veritable dogfight that is The Championship

Rangers FC was a giant mess two years ago, and it’s just the same today. The club had its chance to learn from its mistakes and come back stronger but it didn’t take that chance. Rangers remain a cautionary tale to all clubs to not spend what they don’t have and to also look more to the long term rather than focus on short term gains.

Peace Out

A Trip Away - Chapter 10

After finally finishing the washing up, we began plans to undo all our good work, as Adam declared he was going to make pizzas for lunch. He got to making the pizza dough, while I attended to trying to start a fire. Alas, the Scotsman finally met it’s Waterloo, as we needed fuel.


Pete stuck a quite ludicrously large log in the fireplace and we surrounded it with as much newspaper and smaller chunks of wood as we could, in an effort to get it burning. Thankfully, the additional accoutrements got the fire to start crackling away.

Adam finished his pizza dough and announced that it would need a while to rise before it could be cooked. The cottage was about halfway down a winding road into the wilderness. It was an area we had yet to explore, so it was decided that we’d go for a walk while the pizza dough settled.

We left the cottage and Pete stashed the spare key under the plant pot in readiness for the water man’s arrival. We set off downhill along the road and into a sort of quarry. Thankfully, there wasn’t much traffic to contend with. We passed some lumberjacks who were chopping down some of the trees. They weren’t your usual lumberjack types, eschewing plaid shirts and Yukon Caps for high vis jackets and hard hats. I wondered the reasons why they were chopping the trees down. Development? Furniture? Firewood?

We continued onward, over a small stream and into a sort of ravine past the quarry. There were hillsides and mountainous terrain in the nearby distance which we decided to head for. Luc and Pete set off ahead of us around about this time. I was struggling to keep pace in all honesty. I was still tired from the other day and was finding it hard to keep pace. I think partly it was a mental thing. My new walking boots, relatively comfortable the other day under two pairs of socks, were starting to rub against my heels and ankles. My jeans felt heavy and tight the more I walked.

Adam had decided to hang back with me, rather than leave me struggling at the rear again. I was frustrated, but I’ve never really been a fast walker. I love going for a nice walk, but I just can’t do it at pace. We passed another bridge and started making our way up the hillside. The slope had been turned into a makeshift road for heavy vehicles. Stones had be laid out in order to give the lorries and vans purchase when trying to get up the hill. Adam removed one of these stones and chortled to himself. I chastised Adam for this, perhaps through some cosmic idea of solidarity with the truck drivers. Until you’ve driven up a mountain, you just wouldn’t understand.

As we continued up the hill, I really started to tire. My feet were hurting, I was sweating profusely and my jeans were starting to chafe. Both the jeans and walking boots were all new, thus is the hazard of going for a walk in clothing you haven’t properly worn in, and they were conspiring to make the climb arduous. Finally, I decided that I’d taken all I couldst and I couldst takes no mores, and took a seat by the side of the road while Luc and Pete continued onward. Adam hung back with me and we waited for Pete and Luc to reach the top of the road and return.

I felt bad about not making it all the way up the hill, but I remembered the events of the previous day in an effort to console myself. Had I worn more appropriate clothing and not done all the rowing and climbing the previous day, I would have likely had a better stab at it. That being said, we’d walked for something like half an hour and it would be another half an hour back, so I’d at least had some exercise and got a chance to have a look at more scenery, so the walk wasn’t a total bust.

We made our way back to the cottage and I suffered an injury. It had nothing to do with the walking though. I was doing my Woody Allen impression and shrugged my shoulder so much that I felt a jolt in my neck. I nursed by aching injury for the remainder of the walk back. It just goes to show that you should always stretch thoroughly before doing an impression of a well-known Jewish comic actor/director. I’d make a note of it reader, this sort of information could save your life!

Pete and Luc started edging ahead again, but at a turn in the road, they suddenly stopped. I could see them in the not too far distance and thought a car or some such must be coming round the corner. I was in for a surprise. There was something coming around the corner alright, but it wasn’t a car. It was a flock of nearly 30 sheep careening around the bend, being chased by an eager sheep-dog and a shepherd bringing up the rear in a small tractor. Adam and I leapt to the left to dodge the sheep, but they dodged us at the same time and actually started clambering up the verge of the road.

The sheepdog desperately chased the sheep and managed to guide them all back onto the road and to safety. The farmer drove slowly past and thanked us for getting out of the way so promptly. Adam recorded the whole thing on his phone and was quite amused by it all. It was certainly something you didn’t see every day living in Stockport, although I have spent one or two occasions waiting patiently for a farmer to guide his cows across the road back when I used to work in Leek.

We got back to the cottage where Adam, satisfied with the dough, began to prepare the pizzas. I can’t quite remember if I assisted with this or did something else. That’s the price you pay for not keeping copious notes I suppose. The pizzas were eventually finished and they were delicious. Adam had made them more rectangular than circular and Luc whipped up a salad to go with them.

As we ate, the water man, whose name sadly escapes me, ventured in to tell us that he’d fixed the water issue as best he could and that there should hopefully be some hot water now. He told us to notify the cottage owner should the problem persist. He was going to have to do something about it anyway, and went off to call in for more hardware. We thanked him and finished up lunch.

After lunch, we had a look at the remaining supplies that we had and it didn’t make for pleasant viewing. We had run out of pretty much all the essentials and it looked like we were going to have to venture to the shops once again. Considering the nearest shop was, at least, a 40 minute drive, this was slightly more of an issue than it would normally be. This was when we remembered the small shop by the Road Closed sign. That wasn’t in Inverness itself, so wouldn’t take as far to get to.

Pete had had his fill of long drives at this point, and was itching to have another ride in the boat. It was decided that myself and Adam would drive to the shop and pick up some supplies, while Luc and Pete would set sail once again.

Plans were made, an address was acquired and we readied for our journey. We were in hope that it would take 15-20 minutes to get where we needed to go. We were about to be surprised…

A Trip Away - Chapter 9

I awoke on Day 4 feeling more exhausted than I had in a while. The previous days exertions had taken their toll and there was a mild sense of melancholy as I realised we had now passed the half-way point of the holiday. The end of our trip away was looming on the horizon, and I wasn’t relishing my return to full-fledged civilisation.


The silence of the Highland Mountains and the wild terrain were so far apart from the bustling streets and busy roads back home. Getting away had been the best thing I could have done, as it gave me a chance to truly be at peace, if only for a few minutes on the side of a mountain. The minutes were now ticking away to the point of which we’d have to pile back into my car for another long journey back home. I was hoping those minutes would tick slowly.

Adam was, as per usual, still fast asleep as I rummaged for my glasses and ventured downstairs. To my surprise, I was actually the first one up. I quickly visited the bathroom, copy of the Scotsman from the first day under my arm. I had been reading a page a time during my free moments over the course of the week. I’d been up to so much, that I was still in the middle of the sports pages. Scotland were preparing for some important qualification games in the European Championships with Georgia and Poland.

I perused the pages while seeing to something else and then decided to try the shower to see if the hot waters failure to work the other day had merely been a blip. Sadly, that wasn’t the case. The water was ice cold and wasn’t getting any warmer. I instead had a brief wash in the sink, the old whores bath, and went off to get some breakfast. By this time Luc and Adam were stirring and Pete was fully awoken.

After breakfast, Luc and Myself set to boiling the kettle and cleaning the pots and pans (The dishwasher was no longer working due to the water issue) while Pete nipped outside, for what we thought was a search for firewood. I’d been outside the previous night in search of an axe to chop some of the humongous blocks that were now at the bottom of the wood basket.

The cottage was fitted with a delightful fireplace and we’d been greeted with a full basket of wood when we’d arrived on the first day. The wood had been finely chopped so that it would fit in the fire but also burn efficiently. As the week had worn on, the wood had gotten progressively bigger in size and, as a result, much more difficult to fit in the fire. There was more wood available for us to use, but this was also bigger than we needed it to be.

On Wednesday night, I had ventured into the garden in search of an axe to chop the wood into easier to manage chunks. The cold wind, pitch blackness and deathly silence had made the whole experience an unnerving one. It had felt like a scene from a horror movie or a particularly scary level in a game video game such as “Silent Hill”. I kept expecting a terrifying villain to leap from the shadows and throttle me. Thankfully, a mad marauding Scotsman didn’t see fit to pummel me half to death and then throw my quivering body into the surrounding Loch. Unthankfully, I was unsuccessful in my quest to find an axe. To be honest, with four Englishmen living at the cottage, the owner had probably felt it prudent to remove as many sharp objects as possible to avoid any injuries.

Pete had put on his boots and headed out to the garden after breakfast, and I assumed it was to pick up where I had left off. Knowing Pete as I do, I was fully expecting him to triumphantly march into the cottage a few minutes later holding an axe in one arm and a felled tree under the other. However, as Luc, Adam and Myself attended to the dishes, Pete started to become conspicuous by his absence. I had a look at the garden, and couldn’t see him. I glanced further down towards the dock and then I realised something rather unnerving. The boat was missing.

A list of possibilities suddenly went through my mind, and I didn’t like any of them. Had I failed to tie the boat up properly the day before, leaving it to float aimlessly into the Loch? Had Pete taken another boat into the Loch himself in effort to retrieve it? Had the boat been stolen? Had Pete caught the dastardly boat thief in the act and paid the price? Had he been kidnapped in order to be held for ransom? Would I end up having to drive up to Dingwall with £1000, made up solely of Scottish 20’s, in an unmarked bag to negotiate his safe release?

These of course, are the thoughts of a mad man. Hello, nice to meet you, has anyone seen my camel?

I frantically stuck my head out of the door to inspect the situation and my eyes quickly scanned right down towards the Loch. In instinctively thought that this would lead me to Pete’s location and I was absolutely correct. Pete was sitting in the boat in the middle of the Loch, sitting being the operative word. He wasn’t rowing, he was just sitting there as the natural current of the Loch moved the boat across the water. It was like he was in some kind of meditation.

Maybe he’d enjoyed the tranquillity so much from yesterday that he felt he had to get more of it? Or maybe he was looking for more bottles that had been thrown into the Loch? I decided not to call out to him and rather just let him enjoy the silence (great song by the way) while keeping a close eye on him from the kitchen window as we continued to wash and dry the dishes.

Luc and Pete had chastised me earlier for washing a plate with cold water. Pete had even gone so far as to say it didn’t count as washing it. This has surprised me because I had used the washing up liquid and the plate looked pretty clean to me. Maybe the lack of heat meant the germs weren’t fully defeated? As a result, we had to wait while Luc would continuously boil the water in the kettle. It made the washing up an arduous process and rather time consuming.

Pete finally returned from his solo voyage, seemingly energised by the experience. It turned out that he had been looking for some more bottles, but hadn’t had much joy. He announced to the room that he wanted to go for another boat ride. I’ll be perfectly honest and say that this idea didn’t enthuse me as much as it did Pete. For one, the pleasant weather of yesterday had been replaced with a greying cloud that looked certain to burst into rain at any moment. In addition, I was absolutely knackered from yesterday and the thought of going through it all again didn’t fill me with a longing for getting back in the boat.

They say you should try everything once, something I vehemently disagree with. For example, I wouldn’t suggest trying suicide once, because chances are you wouldn’t get another go at it. Same for fighting a Lion to the death with your bare hands while wearing a suit made out of steak. You might make it out alive, but the odds are somewhat stacked in the Lions favour. As for the boating on the Loch, I’d tried it once and I had decided that I wouldn’t want to try it again until I’d had a good few days rest and had bought some more appropriate boating attire.

We got a quick update on regards to the water. A man was on his way to take a look at it and we were to leave a key for him under a plant pot should he arrive while we were out. Morning was coming to it’s end, but there was still more to happen on our penultimate day, of which I will detail in the next chapter.

A Trip Away - Chapter 8

Our dip in the Loch now completed, we discussed on what to do next. The day was still relatively young. We could look at heading back to the cottage, having some lunch and maybe doing a walk. Pete suggested that we keep going to the very other side of the Loch. Looking at in the vague distance, it didn’t seem like it would take too long to get there, so we agreed. We were soon to be proven wrong.


Here’s the thing about rowing, it’s not very easy. My only prior rowing experience had been on the rowing machine at the gym. There was that time I worked on a Persian Galley during a naval battle, but that was during a drug induced coma and sadly I hadn’t managed to retain my form. We had decided that we’d all take it in turns rowing. I dutifully stepped up for my turn and proceeded to do a quite abysmal job of it all.

I must have been overcompensating with one of the oars, as whenever I stuck the oars in to the waiting Loch, the boat essentially went around in a circle. I eventually managed to get some basic rhythm going and we crawled along for a bit until it was Adam’s turn to take over. His turn ended pretty much how mine did, as did Luc’s later on. Pete rolled his eyes in derision at our derisory attempts.

Eventually, we made it to the other side of the Loch. There wasn’t a dock as such but there was a metal pole, that I managed to tie the boat to. Satisfied that the boat wasn’t going to float off, myself and Adam had a look around. In front of us was a large forest, with no clear path as to how to get through it. There was a slope that required climbing to get into the forest proper. After the forest, who knew what awaited us.

Pete and Luc had already set off into the wilderness while Adam and Myself had made sure that the boat was secure before scrambling up the hill to join them. The forest wasn’t overly dense but the ground was littered with rocks and fallen trees. Pete and Luc had seemingly taken a smoother route through the forest to the other side. We could hear them in the not too far distance. The route to where they seemed to be was obstructed by a number of felled tree trunks. Adam recalled that we had been told of a huge storm the day before our arrival, which could have accounted for this veritable tree graveyard. I anticipated that he was correct.

The fallen trees were not only getting more frequent but they were also getting higher up. This was resulting in me having to stand on them to get over to the other side. The problem was, not all of them were secure and they were liable to snap at any time, sending me tumbling pathetically to the forest floor with no warning. I developed a system of tentatively testing the trunk with one of my feet. When content that the tree would hold, I would then step my other foot onto it and get over as quickly as I could.

One trunk was considerably less sturdy than I had anticipated and as I stood on top if began to drop to the ground. I had a sharp jab of fright as I waited to see what would happen. Thankfully, the trunk didn’t snap. It just lowered down slightly and I was able to retain my balance and make my way to the other side.

After traipsing over the numerous collapsed tree remains, we finally came across Luc and Pete waiting by a large wooden gate at the end of the forest. We stepped through the gate into a deserted filed/bog surrounded by mountainous terrain. Pete had a look around and started making his way determinedly towards the mountain. We all knew what this meant. We were going to climb it.

I took a look at the ground before me. It was boggy in the extreme, so I carefully watched my step as I made my way to the mountainside. Pete was already there and was beginning his ascent. Climbing was not easy as there wasn’t much to grip on to. Pete was up front, with Luc and Adam behind him and myself taking up the rear (Ooo Err!)

I was struggling with the ascent to be honest. It wasn’t so much the climb but the pace that was doing me in. Had I been left to do it my own speed I perhaps wouldn’t have been as tired, but I didn’t want to hold the other lads up too much so powered onward. We stopped briefly and had a look at the surrounding wilderness. We sat in silence, absolute genuine silence, the sort of silence you never hear during an urban existence. We’d come to Inverness to get away from it all, and at that exact moment, we really, really had.

With the silence ringing in our ears, we started up again and continued to a higher part of the mountain. Here we found the spring for a small stream that was flowing at the bottom of the mountain. I was tempted to have a sip but decided against it. We climbed a bit higher to a jagged outstretched part of the mountain and looked down on the field below. It was empty and desolate, the odd trickle of wind caused the thistles to gently tremble. In the horizon, further mountains lumbered over the surrounding countryside.

Pete and Luc let out a roar that reverberated in the air. I had never heard such a profound echo in my life. Not to be outdone, I yelled “MORTAL KOMBAT!” and grinned widely as it echoed back at me like the old advert from the 90’s.

It was way past afternoon at this point and evening was beginning to approach, so we clambered back down the mountain to get back to the boat. Upon returning to the field, I promptly stepped in the bog and the cold muddy water went all the way up to my ankle. I bemoaned the situation and then squelched my way over the trees in the forest and back to the boat.

We all piled into the boat to make the long row back to the cottage but before we set off, Pete demanded we stop. We wondered why, was something wrong? Was there a hole in the boat that Pete had just noticed? Pete took the oar and dipped it in the water. He then reached over and stuck his hand in the Loch as the boat tilted towards the water. After a few months of stabbing at the water below, Pete popped his head back up triumphantly, holding a half broken bottle.

We inspected the bottle and realised that this was really quite old. It was for ginger beer and was a sandy coloured opaque bottle with black writing on the side. Who knows when this would have been chucked into the Loch? Pete inspected the surrounding water and found two more. Pete grabbed these and plopped them in the boat for further inspection when we reached the cottage.

The boat journey back felt a lot longer than the initial one out, due to the fact there were no stop offs this time. The sun was beating down on the boat and I began to sweat profusely on account of wearing my buoyancy aid as well as a shirt and a jumper. Being that the weather in The Highlands had been known to turn at a moment’s notice, I had dressed accordingly. However, the sun continued unabated as we neared the shore. We negotiated the high reeds near the makeshift jetty and then tied the boat up on the cottages private dock.

Upon returning to the cottage, we found that the hot water wasn’t working, so none of us could indulge in a warm shower. We called the cottage owner who said someone would be coming to have a look at the water tomorrow. Pete and Luc went to their rooms to have a lie down. Myself and Adam entertained ourselves by watching an old episode of WCW Nitro on my laptop.

We were all pretty exhausted by the events of the afternoon, so we spent the evening and night in the cottage. Luc prepared some vegetable kebabs and we ate them with gusto. We attempted to play poker, but by this point I was wiped out and deliberately lost all my chips before collapsing on the sofa while the others played at the table. Not soon after, I retired to bed to read while the others had a chat in the living room for a while before also going to bed.

I slept that night, let me tell you. More to come in the next chapter as we hit day 4!

A Trip Away - Chapter 7

Our third day in Inverness began the same way the other days had begun, with me dragging myself out of bed around 9ish while Adam lay prostrate in the other bed. I think I may have been the first up this morning, so I ventured down to the bathroom for a shower. However, I reached a stumbling block in my plan when realising there was no hot water.


Pete and Luc also noticed this and promptly put a call through to the cottage owner, who said he would send someone down to have a look at it. We didn’t spend too much time on it though, as we had a boat to row! The childlike excitement of Pete at the prospect was infectious. What’s more, the weather had decided to be kind and we were met with opulent sunshine as opposed to the dismal downpour of the previous day. After a modest breakfast, we were ready!

As mentioned in a previous chapter, on day two we had visited a Charity Shop in Inverness and had purchased some cheap togs that we didn’t mind getting dirty. Adam had purchased an outrageous pair of white trousers which made the situation look more like Tony Montana was going out yachting as opposed to us hapless four having a row in a small boat.

I had purchased a pair of trousers and a turquoise plain t-shirt from the same shop. I had tried the trousers on back at the cottage to find that they were smaller than the label in the shop had suggested. It just goes to show that even in Charity Shop’s you should try clothes on I guess. The t-shirt thankfully fit just fine and I still have it to this day. I put the trousers in a drawer in my room and promptly forgot about them. They could still be there for all I know.

So it was to the dock I went wearing my jeans. Thankfully, I’d brought two pairs of trousers, something that I would be very grateful for at the end of the days boating. We all piled into the boat and set off to a nearby island that was roughly parallel to the cottage. We set anchor, or in this case just tied the boat to a tree, and disembarked to inspect the terrain. That took all of 30 seconds as the island was rather quite small. It seemed the only creatures that inhabited it were little frogs that jumped around to avoid us.

There was a blackened circle in the moss, which suggested someone had been on the island and lit a fire before. We jumped back into our boat and continued our voyage to shallow bay. It was here that Pete decided he was going to take a dip in the Loch. Originally, he’d planned to skinny dip but now he decided it would be better to have a paddle instead. I originally had been against the idea, but I was warm from sun and decided it might be a good idea.

Pete had stripped down to his boxer shorts but I decided to just roll my jeans up instead and wade in that way. This was a mistake as the jeans soon unravelled pathetically into the water with a miserable plop, leaving me with wet jean bottoms for the rest of the day.

The water, despite soaking up the sun, was incredibly cold. At first I didn’t really feel it and was more worried about the jagged stones on the shore that felt like they were cutting the soles of my feet to shreds. Once past them though, I felt it. The cold was as intense as any I’d ever experienced. It was so cold, it was almost as if it burned. My skin was screaming and I let out a pained yelp.

Adam, who was filming it all for posterity, found my pain to be hilarious. He had elected not to take the dip himself. Luc waded into the Loch and entered an even wussier display than myself. He pretty much dipped his toes in and decided it was enough. I at least went in until the water had gone past my ankles. Pete ventured further than any of us, and look contented to go even further. I doubt he would have been as happy to dive into the Loch starkers, as had been his original plan. A paddle was a decent compromise I feel and reminded me of when we used to go to the seaside with my granddad and he’d get his feet wet in the ocean before returning back to the beach. He was a dour Catholic Irishman, but it was one of the rare times he’d indulge himself, a smile never leaving his face while doing so.

We all posed for a picture in the boat and hit the water again. Our journey was far from over and I’ll cover that when in the next chapter

(Probably won’t be another one now until Saturday as I’m going to Lille to watch Everton)