“Welcome, welcome one and all! Step right up, step right up! Come and see ‘The Astounding Rory’! I give to you the man that the forces of the universe forgot. This man has an unbelievable power, an unimaginable gift! He has the strength of a silverback and the accuracy an arrow. No man, nay beast, nay GOD can throw a football further than this man. He is to throwing footballs what Zeus was to throwing lightning bolts. Step right up, step right up. I am offering ten, yes you heard correctly, TEN Shillings for any man, woman or beast who can throw the football further than The Astounding Rory. Come forth, come all! Who has the muscular clout? Who has the blinding accuracy? Who amongst you has the strength, the gall and the guts to defeat Rory? Is it you sir? How about you madam? How about you sir? Yes, you! The blond haired man with the cute hamster face? Can you defeat Rory? What is your name young man? Phillip you say? Ladies and Gentlemen, please give a warm round of applause for our challenger!”
Yes, I'm sorry to everyone else, but this bit here is about football. Please feel free to skip to the next blog post if the mere thought of association soccer causes you to break out in hives of dismay and disinterest. For those of you not acquainted with the bizarre pastime that myself and many other nutters decide to follow on a daily basis by the name of Football, "The Astounding Rory" is none other than Rory Delap. Rory Delap is a footballer who is renowned for having a long throw. Is he the goal keeper I hear you ask? No he is in fact an outfield player. Your face may now be screwed up in confusion. "How is having a long throw relevant to a footballer? Surely being able to KICK the ball a long way is more favourable talent for a man in such a profession? Ah but dear reader you are forgetting a key part of football. A strange part of the game that actively encourages an outfield player to pick up the ball and fling it to his hearts content. I am of course speaking of the "throw in"
WIKIPEDIA Tells us that,
"A throw-in (or shy) is a method of restarting play in a game of association football when the ball has exited the side of the field of play."
Thanks internet! Thinternet!
Now throw ins are usually a gigantic waste of time. The attacking
team will usually throw the ball pretty short to the nearest available player
so that they can get back to doing whatever it is they actually want to do. To
some teams though, the throw in is a valuable and devastating weapon. One such
team was Stoke City ,
where Rory Delap used to ply his trade before being loaned out to Barnsley . You see, what Stoke would do is fill the box
with loads of really tall people. They would then have Rory fling the ball into
the box with pin-point accuracy. This would usually lead to one of the freakish
giants getting on the end of the ball with a foot, head, chest or buttock
(anything to get the ball over the line), which would give Stoke a goal. Delap
has the ability not to just throw the ball really far but he also has the
ability to make the throws super accurate. He's also seemingly able to control
the balls height and trajectory, which I can only surmise is down to him having
a high number of midichlorians in his blood. This means that Rory Delap's throw
ins are both long, highly accurate and fly in at a difficult angle. Basically,
they are an absolute nightmare to defend, especially with the cast of
"Young Frankenstein" waiting in the box to get on the end of one of
them. It's no surprise that for a while at Stoke the fans would cheer the
awarding of a throw in the same way they would cheer the awarding of a penalty
or the awarding of free Bovril to the over 60's.
I'll be honest and say that I am over simplifying this situation
slightly. Stokes prolonged progress and status in the top division has not
soley been down to Rory Delap's circus strongman act. However, to say he had
nothing to do with their success would be unfair. Most Stoke fans I speak to
like to play down Rory's contributions. From one angle I can kind of see why.
Non-Stoke fans are generally fascinated with Delap's ridiculous throwing
ability. Whenever anyone mentions Stoke
City
However, I can kind of see where the Stoke fans are coming from.
It took years of effort and hard graft for Stoke to make it to the Premier
League. There were many years spent scrapping in the lower leagues with teams
like Stockport County ,
Crystal Palace England
No matter what success they have enjoyed, Stoke have had to make
do with constant negative labelling. They are a “long ball” team. They are
“dirty”. They don't play attractive football. Stoke are a team that live with a
constant negative image. This is a negative image that The Astounding Rory has
only perpetuated. Stoke are currently trying to make strides to dispel their
image as a bunch of gruff long ball merchants. A host of new players have been
brought into the club. They've even signed a new striker in Michael Owen who is
considerably shorter than the usual Stoke forward. I've always imagined that
Stoke have one of those cardboard cut outs at their training ground. He's a
giant clown in red and white stripes in my mind for some reason. He's holding
his arm out to his side and he has a speech bubble coming from his mouth saying
“You must be this tall to sign a contract”. Since this season began, Delap
couldn't get a game in a Stoke shirt. Coincidence? A large part of me doubts
it.
As mentioned earlier, Rory Delap has currently gone out on loan to
Barnsley . Maybe this is it for him at Stoke?
If so, is this the right decision for the Stoke management to make? It's not as
if their form this season has been ground breaking. They are currently in the
lower half of the table although I would be surprised if they were to be
relegated. Maybe if Rory were to come back their fortunes would improve? Maybe
there would be no change at all. My colleague Rich at work is of the opinion
that if it wasn’t for Delap’s insane throwing ability he would barely be able
to make it in League Two. He is a Port Vale supporter however and they tend to
not be too warm on Stoke
City
Roll up, roll up! Ten Shillings for anyone who can match The
Astounding Rory!!! Step right up, STEP RIGHT UP!!!!
Here’s some clips of Rory
doing what he does
