Septic Bladder shows up for the THIEFA Presidential Elections, a plastic grin never leaving his face. His aged face creases as he maintains his perpetual crocodile smile.
A journalist approaches him at the doors to the voting chamber
“Mr Bladder” asks the journo “What with the recent allegations and arrests relating to corruption within THIEFA, do you really think it’s prudent to continue with this election?”
Bladder gives a chuckle
“Heh Heh, of course it’s prudent. What THIEFA needs at this point is strong leadership!”
“So you’re not considering resigning at all?”
“Heh Heh, of course not. Why would I do such a thing?”
The journo looks at Bladder incredulously
“Well, considering that almost 20 years of barefaced corruption looks to have taken part on your watch, do you really think it’s appropriate for you to serve another term as president?”
Bladder gives another nervous chuckle and wipes a bead of sweat from his brow
“Heh Heh, that is for the assorted members of THIEFA to decide!”
Bladder looks over to a collection of heads of small FA’s, who all immediately hide brand new shiny pennies in their back pockets. He gives them a sly wink before making his excuses and entering the chamber, his coronation all but secured.
Meanwhile, over in Tartare, more migrant workers lose their lives for a tournament nobody outside of a small group of already very rich men want to see.
Football is broken
Peace Out
Thursday 28 May 2015
Wednesday 27 May 2015
A Trip Away - Chapter 12
Sit ye around boys and girls, and hear a tale that will confound your mind and freeze your blood.
For this tale is one few have heard. It is a tale of deceit, of horror and of suspense. It is a tale you perhaps may have heard snippets of before. Terrified gasps in the cool night air carrying the story across generations.
But now, my dear readers, I present the facts laid bare in their pure unadulterated horror. I lay these facts at your quivering feet as you shiver with unease.
Brace yourselves my dear readership, as I bring to you the tale….of Barry Chuckle!
One warm summer’s eve in Didsbury, at a gathering of friends, Chuckle rose from the spirit realm to make his presence known. He possessed the mind of an idiotic man-child from deepest, darkest Reddish, and set upon the remaining people in the flat.
All of the people unfortunate to have been there at the time were permanently scarred by their experience. They were unable to shake the vision of Barry from their quivering minds. A light entertainer turned possessor of the weak minded and fat!
The man possessed from Barry on that night, had no idea of what happened. He woke up following the ordeal, in the centre of Rotherham on a bicycle with no memory of the night before. His friends, scared of what a vengeful Barry would do to them, never brought up the matter with him and he continued on in blissful ignorance.
After a few years passed, his friends started to believe that Barry was gone for good, but alas they were to be unpleasantly proven incorrect one damp night in Inverness!
So yeah, I hope you enjoyed that whimsical melodrama there. As you can see, a career writing horror stories probably isn’t in my future. I was just trying to set the scene for this chapter. As you’ve probably guessed, the poor fool “possessed” by Barry was I, your humble narrator.
As I’ve mentioned in a previous chapter, Pete and I used to share a flat near Parrs Wood. We were essentially on the border between Heaton Mersey and Didsbury. It was a nice flat and I enjoyed living there immensely. Sadly, Pete had to move out due to getting a job in London. With no replacement roommate capable of sharing the burden of bills and rent with me, I ended up having to leave the flat also.
Living with Pete was actually a very pleasant experience. We meshed surprisingly well as roommates and I did my best to not get on Pete’s nerves too much. During university, I’d lived with Luc and he hadn’t really enjoyed it. Quite to the extent of his discontentment didn’t come to my full knowledge until about a year later.
I can’t really blame him that much in some ways. I was a different man in my University days. On my days off I’d sometimes wake up as late as 2PM in the afternoon and then spend most of the day procrastinating about writing an essay. Add to that my general waster tendencies of the period and I can see how that would become tiresome after a while.
By the time I moved in with Pete, I was a more mature and slightly more hygienic man, so we had little difficulty living together. We would share the burden of cleaning and tidying. My bedroom did at one point become a bit of a sty, but I did my best to ensure this didn’t spill over into other areas of the house.
I think you’ll have gathered from these excerpts that Pete is a unique fellow. I once described him, after a few pints with Adam, as a “conundrum wrapped inside an enigma”. This cheesed him off a little bit, but I didn’t mean it as an insult. Pete is a difficult man to comprehend at times and I’ve known many a person who has struggled to adapt to his esoteric ways. But, if adapt you can, you will find him to be one of the most interesting and humorous men you’ll ever meet.
Living with him was a joy and certainly not a chore. He’d always throw in a spin ball when you weren’t expecting it or suggest something almost out of the blue that would make an evening better. I’d come home from work and he’d just randomly throw at me “shall we watch Jaws later?” and we would watch it while riffing and having a chat.
You never knew what would be waiting for you when living with Pete. On one such occasion, I returned home to find that Pete was preparing a “Surrealist Night” and had gone to such lengths as to print off a lot of props and posters for the evening.
The evening was to include “Cheese Criticising”, “Fishing for Compliments” (a set of compliments placed in a bowl with homemade fishing rods to collect them) and, in the main event, a “séance” with Barry Chuckle.
The fact that Barry Chuckle wasn’t actually dead didn’t seem to discourage Pete from the idea. Pete decided that it would be my job to perform the Barry spectacular, and showed me the prop I was to use. Pete presented me with a cardboard box upon which a life size printout of Barry’s head had been crudely stuck to. It took all I could not to explode with laughter.
During the evening, Pete gathered myself and the assorted guests around the dining table of the flat and switched the lights off. After a few moments of humming and shouting, Pete returned the lights, by which time I’d managed to put the box over my head and become “Barry”
“Helloooooooooo” I shrieked.
What followed were a few minutes of desperately poor improvised comedy, which thankfully everyone seemed to find humorous. Pete in particular was in stitches at the whole situation, and it warmed my heart to hear him laugh so.
Following the surrealist night, the cardboard box (now affectionately referred to as “Barry’s Head”) took pride of place on top of fridge until the sorrowful day when we had to leave the flat for good. At that point, I forgot what happened to Barry. When we arrived in Inverness, Pete soon let me know by presenting Barry, pristine as ever, to me and commanding a repeat performance during the holiday.
That performance was to happen on our last night in Inverness. The sun had gone down and we ventured off into the damp night to have a few drinks by the Loch. Pete attempted to light a fire under some nearby cover, but alas it never got to more than a glimmer.
As I stashed Barry’s Head out of sight and prepared to reprise the role, I took in the surroundings. Moonlight was gleaming on the surface of the Loch itself, but everything else was pitch darkness, outside of the few desperate flames emanating from the dampened fire. The silence struck as it had done the day before.
I’ll be honest and say that I found the atmosphere a bit unnerving. I’d enjoyed it in the daylight when climbing the hill the previous day, but hearing it now while surrounded by a seamlessly unending blackness filled me with concern. I just kept picturing a maddened serial killer popping out of nowhere and doing me in with something sharp and unpleasant.
I took a few Tartan Specials with me and sipped them while keeping the lookout for an axe wielding psychopath who may have just happened to pass by. Once Adam and Luc were assembled, I slipped on Barry’s Head and went to work.
I can’t say that it went down as good as it had on the previous occasion, but it was good enough for government work as they say. We had a brief chuckle, some photos were snapped and we took in the night together while sipping our drinks.
The weather moved on from being a slight drizzle to actual light rain, so we decided to step back inside and spend the rest of the night playing games in the living room. I must admit to being happy at being back indoors and in front of the warming glow of the fire.
I can’t really remember what we discussed that night or what games we played. I seem to recall sticking on the iPod and listening to PiL, Blur and some other band I can’t seem to find in my memory banks. I eventually laid on the couch, my mind dancing between the realms of awake and sleep.
We went to bed at some undetermined time, sad to see the end of our trip away. That being said, there was still the matter of a long card drive back. We weren’t home yet
For this tale is one few have heard. It is a tale of deceit, of horror and of suspense. It is a tale you perhaps may have heard snippets of before. Terrified gasps in the cool night air carrying the story across generations.
But now, my dear readers, I present the facts laid bare in their pure unadulterated horror. I lay these facts at your quivering feet as you shiver with unease.
Brace yourselves my dear readership, as I bring to you the tale….of Barry Chuckle!
One warm summer’s eve in Didsbury, at a gathering of friends, Chuckle rose from the spirit realm to make his presence known. He possessed the mind of an idiotic man-child from deepest, darkest Reddish, and set upon the remaining people in the flat.
All of the people unfortunate to have been there at the time were permanently scarred by their experience. They were unable to shake the vision of Barry from their quivering minds. A light entertainer turned possessor of the weak minded and fat!
The man possessed from Barry on that night, had no idea of what happened. He woke up following the ordeal, in the centre of Rotherham on a bicycle with no memory of the night before. His friends, scared of what a vengeful Barry would do to them, never brought up the matter with him and he continued on in blissful ignorance.
After a few years passed, his friends started to believe that Barry was gone for good, but alas they were to be unpleasantly proven incorrect one damp night in Inverness!
So yeah, I hope you enjoyed that whimsical melodrama there. As you can see, a career writing horror stories probably isn’t in my future. I was just trying to set the scene for this chapter. As you’ve probably guessed, the poor fool “possessed” by Barry was I, your humble narrator.
As I’ve mentioned in a previous chapter, Pete and I used to share a flat near Parrs Wood. We were essentially on the border between Heaton Mersey and Didsbury. It was a nice flat and I enjoyed living there immensely. Sadly, Pete had to move out due to getting a job in London. With no replacement roommate capable of sharing the burden of bills and rent with me, I ended up having to leave the flat also.
Living with Pete was actually a very pleasant experience. We meshed surprisingly well as roommates and I did my best to not get on Pete’s nerves too much. During university, I’d lived with Luc and he hadn’t really enjoyed it. Quite to the extent of his discontentment didn’t come to my full knowledge until about a year later.
I can’t really blame him that much in some ways. I was a different man in my University days. On my days off I’d sometimes wake up as late as 2PM in the afternoon and then spend most of the day procrastinating about writing an essay. Add to that my general waster tendencies of the period and I can see how that would become tiresome after a while.
By the time I moved in with Pete, I was a more mature and slightly more hygienic man, so we had little difficulty living together. We would share the burden of cleaning and tidying. My bedroom did at one point become a bit of a sty, but I did my best to ensure this didn’t spill over into other areas of the house.
I think you’ll have gathered from these excerpts that Pete is a unique fellow. I once described him, after a few pints with Adam, as a “conundrum wrapped inside an enigma”. This cheesed him off a little bit, but I didn’t mean it as an insult. Pete is a difficult man to comprehend at times and I’ve known many a person who has struggled to adapt to his esoteric ways. But, if adapt you can, you will find him to be one of the most interesting and humorous men you’ll ever meet.
Living with him was a joy and certainly not a chore. He’d always throw in a spin ball when you weren’t expecting it or suggest something almost out of the blue that would make an evening better. I’d come home from work and he’d just randomly throw at me “shall we watch Jaws later?” and we would watch it while riffing and having a chat.
You never knew what would be waiting for you when living with Pete. On one such occasion, I returned home to find that Pete was preparing a “Surrealist Night” and had gone to such lengths as to print off a lot of props and posters for the evening.
The evening was to include “Cheese Criticising”, “Fishing for Compliments” (a set of compliments placed in a bowl with homemade fishing rods to collect them) and, in the main event, a “séance” with Barry Chuckle.
The fact that Barry Chuckle wasn’t actually dead didn’t seem to discourage Pete from the idea. Pete decided that it would be my job to perform the Barry spectacular, and showed me the prop I was to use. Pete presented me with a cardboard box upon which a life size printout of Barry’s head had been crudely stuck to. It took all I could not to explode with laughter.
During the evening, Pete gathered myself and the assorted guests around the dining table of the flat and switched the lights off. After a few moments of humming and shouting, Pete returned the lights, by which time I’d managed to put the box over my head and become “Barry”
“Helloooooooooo” I shrieked.
What followed were a few minutes of desperately poor improvised comedy, which thankfully everyone seemed to find humorous. Pete in particular was in stitches at the whole situation, and it warmed my heart to hear him laugh so.
Following the surrealist night, the cardboard box (now affectionately referred to as “Barry’s Head”) took pride of place on top of fridge until the sorrowful day when we had to leave the flat for good. At that point, I forgot what happened to Barry. When we arrived in Inverness, Pete soon let me know by presenting Barry, pristine as ever, to me and commanding a repeat performance during the holiday.
That performance was to happen on our last night in Inverness. The sun had gone down and we ventured off into the damp night to have a few drinks by the Loch. Pete attempted to light a fire under some nearby cover, but alas it never got to more than a glimmer.
As I stashed Barry’s Head out of sight and prepared to reprise the role, I took in the surroundings. Moonlight was gleaming on the surface of the Loch itself, but everything else was pitch darkness, outside of the few desperate flames emanating from the dampened fire. The silence struck as it had done the day before.
I’ll be honest and say that I found the atmosphere a bit unnerving. I’d enjoyed it in the daylight when climbing the hill the previous day, but hearing it now while surrounded by a seamlessly unending blackness filled me with concern. I just kept picturing a maddened serial killer popping out of nowhere and doing me in with something sharp and unpleasant.
I took a few Tartan Specials with me and sipped them while keeping the lookout for an axe wielding psychopath who may have just happened to pass by. Once Adam and Luc were assembled, I slipped on Barry’s Head and went to work.
I can’t say that it went down as good as it had on the previous occasion, but it was good enough for government work as they say. We had a brief chuckle, some photos were snapped and we took in the night together while sipping our drinks.
The weather moved on from being a slight drizzle to actual light rain, so we decided to step back inside and spend the rest of the night playing games in the living room. I must admit to being happy at being back indoors and in front of the warming glow of the fire.
I can’t really remember what we discussed that night or what games we played. I seem to recall sticking on the iPod and listening to PiL, Blur and some other band I can’t seem to find in my memory banks. I eventually laid on the couch, my mind dancing between the realms of awake and sleep.
We went to bed at some undetermined time, sad to see the end of our trip away. That being said, there was still the matter of a long card drive back. We weren’t home yet
Saturday 23 May 2015
This and That: What everyone is missing in the whole Raheem Sterling story
For me, the big thing about this whole Raheem Sterling palaver is that I don’t actually agree with either of the two prevailing arguments that seem to be currently raging at the moment.
Those arguments seem to be either
A) Sterling wants out of Liverpool so he can get more money elsewhere
Or
B) Sterling wants out of Liverpool because they aren’t a big enough club anymore to match his ambitions
To me, neither of those arguments really comes into the situation at all. For me, this is very much a case of
C) Raheem Sterling wants to guarantee success, and he’s not below having it handed to him if needs be
It’s a sad fact of life that a lot of players today would rather go to an already successful club rather than graft and earn success where they currently are.
It’s why players like Adam Johnson and Sean Wright-Phillips leave “smaller” clubs to go and sit on a bench and pad their medal income. Ultimately, players want a sure thing. Rather than work hard at a club with aspirations, yet also limitations, players would rather get the guaranteed success.
That’s not to say that all these players go to clubs knowing that they aren’t going to have prominent roles. I’m sure Scott Parker thought he was going to be a pivotal part of Chelsea’s Premier League challenges. I’m sure Owen Hargreaves thought that when he moved to Man City, he’d get to play more than he did. I’m sure Joleon Lescott didn’t think he was going to get frozen out of that same City side when he left Everton.
Players don’t consciously go somewhere for an easy ride and nor do they go somewhere with a certainty that they can’t earn a slot in the first team, but it has to be in the back of their minds.
Be honest, who wouldn’t like to say they were a Premier League Champion? If someone said you could play 8-10 games a season and still get a medal and run around the pitch with a cup, wouldn’t you take it? You’d at least consider it.
Raheem Sterling could sign with Chelsea in the summer and could very well have a Premier League medal in his back pocket by the end of just one season. But if he did make a move to a Chelsea, or a Man City or a Real Madrid, how much playing time would he actually see?
I don’t think Sterling would be a first choice starter for any of those teams. Chelsea and City would be signing him primarily to fill their English player quota. Yeah, he’d probably get some games, but nowhere near as much as he would at Liverpool.
Madrid would be signing him so they could market the fact that they’d purchased one of Europe’s most promising players. There’s no way he’d get straight into that side. He’d probably have 2 years or so toiling there before he’d even play a handful of games. And if he did ever get a game, he’d be under the harsh scrutiny of the Madrid Media and Ultra Groups.
And that’s not because he isn’t any good, he’s just not THAT good yet.
I’ve always felt that Sterling could be a player who plays regularly for a top side. However, I always maintained that opinion under the assumption that he’d get there after 2-3 years being the big star at Liverpool and playing regularly for both them and England.
If Sterling were to stay at Liverpool, he’d by THE guy. He’d be the player whose job it would be to carry the club. It would be a high pressure role but ultimately one that would prepare him for the future.
The inbuilt media sympathy for all things LFC would in some ways cocoon him from the harshest element of the pressure. So long as he was grafting, excuses and platitudes would be cultivated for him amongst the usual gaggle of simpering hacks and LFC apologists (And we all know who they are).
All the ex-players having a go at him would soon change their tune if he signed a new contract. He’d be back to being a great young talent again and all this Jordan Ibe talk would be forgotten. They’d create a bubble of protection for him, so long as he “behaves”
If Sterling is to be the player I personally think he could develop into, he’s got the absolute best chance of becoming that player if he stays at Liverpool.
He’s developed well there and I think a season or two more at Liverpool would be incredibly beneficial to him. They have, up until the past week, been very good to him and he’s responded in kind with some excellent performances.
He could do his big move in 2 years. It benefits both parties. It benefits Liverpool, because they’ll net a tidy sum and retain the usage of a talented player, and it benefits Sterling because he will be a better player at the end of it who could likely walk into a top side and get regular games.
If Sterling skips town and heads to Chelsea, he’ll sit on a bench and collect a medal, but his development will slump due to lack of regular games. He’s not ready, he really, really isn’t.
He’s still so pitifully young. Right now, he needs to think about his development as a player. I think neither Sterling or Liverpool have come out of this situation looking all that good, but if both sides could get around a table and sort out a contract extension, I really think it’s the best outcome for both parties at this current juncture.
With all that said, I expect him to be unveiled as a Man City player as soon as the season finishes.
Football eh?
Peace Out
Those arguments seem to be either
A) Sterling wants out of Liverpool so he can get more money elsewhere
Or
B) Sterling wants out of Liverpool because they aren’t a big enough club anymore to match his ambitions
To me, neither of those arguments really comes into the situation at all. For me, this is very much a case of
C) Raheem Sterling wants to guarantee success, and he’s not below having it handed to him if needs be
It’s a sad fact of life that a lot of players today would rather go to an already successful club rather than graft and earn success where they currently are.
It’s why players like Adam Johnson and Sean Wright-Phillips leave “smaller” clubs to go and sit on a bench and pad their medal income. Ultimately, players want a sure thing. Rather than work hard at a club with aspirations, yet also limitations, players would rather get the guaranteed success.
That’s not to say that all these players go to clubs knowing that they aren’t going to have prominent roles. I’m sure Scott Parker thought he was going to be a pivotal part of Chelsea’s Premier League challenges. I’m sure Owen Hargreaves thought that when he moved to Man City, he’d get to play more than he did. I’m sure Joleon Lescott didn’t think he was going to get frozen out of that same City side when he left Everton.
Players don’t consciously go somewhere for an easy ride and nor do they go somewhere with a certainty that they can’t earn a slot in the first team, but it has to be in the back of their minds.
Be honest, who wouldn’t like to say they were a Premier League Champion? If someone said you could play 8-10 games a season and still get a medal and run around the pitch with a cup, wouldn’t you take it? You’d at least consider it.
Raheem Sterling could sign with Chelsea in the summer and could very well have a Premier League medal in his back pocket by the end of just one season. But if he did make a move to a Chelsea, or a Man City or a Real Madrid, how much playing time would he actually see?
I don’t think Sterling would be a first choice starter for any of those teams. Chelsea and City would be signing him primarily to fill their English player quota. Yeah, he’d probably get some games, but nowhere near as much as he would at Liverpool.
Madrid would be signing him so they could market the fact that they’d purchased one of Europe’s most promising players. There’s no way he’d get straight into that side. He’d probably have 2 years or so toiling there before he’d even play a handful of games. And if he did ever get a game, he’d be under the harsh scrutiny of the Madrid Media and Ultra Groups.
And that’s not because he isn’t any good, he’s just not THAT good yet.
I’ve always felt that Sterling could be a player who plays regularly for a top side. However, I always maintained that opinion under the assumption that he’d get there after 2-3 years being the big star at Liverpool and playing regularly for both them and England.
If Sterling were to stay at Liverpool, he’d by THE guy. He’d be the player whose job it would be to carry the club. It would be a high pressure role but ultimately one that would prepare him for the future.
The inbuilt media sympathy for all things LFC would in some ways cocoon him from the harshest element of the pressure. So long as he was grafting, excuses and platitudes would be cultivated for him amongst the usual gaggle of simpering hacks and LFC apologists (And we all know who they are).
All the ex-players having a go at him would soon change their tune if he signed a new contract. He’d be back to being a great young talent again and all this Jordan Ibe talk would be forgotten. They’d create a bubble of protection for him, so long as he “behaves”
If Sterling is to be the player I personally think he could develop into, he’s got the absolute best chance of becoming that player if he stays at Liverpool.
He’s developed well there and I think a season or two more at Liverpool would be incredibly beneficial to him. They have, up until the past week, been very good to him and he’s responded in kind with some excellent performances.
He could do his big move in 2 years. It benefits both parties. It benefits Liverpool, because they’ll net a tidy sum and retain the usage of a talented player, and it benefits Sterling because he will be a better player at the end of it who could likely walk into a top side and get regular games.
If Sterling skips town and heads to Chelsea, he’ll sit on a bench and collect a medal, but his development will slump due to lack of regular games. He’s not ready, he really, really isn’t.
He’s still so pitifully young. Right now, he needs to think about his development as a player. I think neither Sterling or Liverpool have come out of this situation looking all that good, but if both sides could get around a table and sort out a contract extension, I really think it’s the best outcome for both parties at this current juncture.
With all that said, I expect him to be unveiled as a Man City player as soon as the season finishes.
Football eh?
Peace Out
Thursday 21 May 2015
A Trip Away - Chapter 11
So yeah, it’s been a while since an update. I’m not sure why I didn’t feel motivated to continue onward from where I left off. Probably a combination of my memory starting to wane and also the desire to write about other things. Still, I’m here now, so let’s try and finish this bad boy off!
I’ve been going by memory for all of this as I didn’t take notes while I was actually on the trip. This is mainly because I’d actually never intended to write about it when I got back. I aimlessly threw out the suggestion about halfway through the trip and when it met with a favourable reaction, I felt compelled to start writing upon our return.
Should we ever go on a group holiday again, I think I’ll decide in advance whether I want to blog about it and plan accordingly.
Anyway, when we last left things Pete and Luc were off for a boat ride whilst Adam and Myself were off to find a local small shop to buy provisions. As previously mentioned, Luc had looked on his phone to find somewhere and there looked to be a shop somewhere within 15-20 minutes from the cottage. Luc was able to acquire us a post code and we were on our way.
We set off down the country road in the car and spied Luc and Pete making their way into the loch in the boat. The weather, which had been dry up to that point, looked in danger of turning soft as the clouds above were slowly starting to darken. Sure enough, after a few minute’s drive, the clouds begin to weep as we drove to our destination. I thought of Luc and Pete in the boat and hoped they had dressed appropriately.
I stuck “Know Your Enemy” by The Manic Street Preachers in my car as we negotiated the narrow roads to our destination. I had found my way to The Manic’s thanks in part to TV host and Scotland’s own Dominik Diamond. During my youth, I’d been a huge fan of the show “Gamesmaster”, which Dominik had hosted.
He’d also had a column in Smash Hits magazine, which my friends would sometimes bring into school. This column was ostensibly about video games, because that was kind of Dominik’s thing at the time, but he’d spend most of it talking about this new-fangled band called The Manic Street Preachers.
At the time, I was a bit young to truly grasp that kind of music, but the name always stuck in my mind and when I matured, I decided I best listen to them, as Dominik Diamond said they were good. I’m pleased to say that Dominik didn’t let me down. The Manic’s are not everyone’s cup of tea, which I happily accept, and some might find an album like “Know Your Enemy” hard to digest, but I love it. “Found that soul” is generally one of the best songs I’ve heard, as is “Intravenous Agonistic”
Adam had never heard the album before, so I decided to stick it on for the journey. He didn’t hate it or anything, but I sensed he wasn’t truly digging it, so we swapped it out for “Year of the Spider” by Cold. I’d first come across them when they did some music for the WWE and had decided to buy this album as a result. Adam had by chance also acquired this album at some point, so it was something we were both familiar and comfortable with.
It was around this time that we realised that this shop was a little longer than 15 minutes away. In fact, it was actually closer to 45 and was in fact not a corner shop, but a Morrison’s situated in town!
Ah Luc, got to love him haven’t you? To be fair, we should shoulder some of the blame for not crosschecking where the daft sod was sending us, but hey-ho. There wasn’t much more we could do at this point other than enjoy the drive, and enjoy it we did.
We finally pulled up to said Morrison’s and nipped in to buy the essentials (bread, milk, Irn Brue, Tea etc). We decided to pick up some Tartan Special as we figured it would be the last chance in a while that we would be able to buy some and, to be quite honest, I actually quite liked it and wanted some more. We also picked up some Scotch Meat Pies for the journey back the next day. I’ve always been a fan of these and felt it only right to pick some up.
With our purchases of Bru, Tartan and Pie, we must have looked like the biggest bunch of tourists who ever touristed, but I didn’t care at that point. I was buying this stuff because I liked it, not because I was on holiday. I’d happily buy all of it at home, and indeed I still pick up an Irn Bru now and then. Why wouldn’t I? It’s made out of girders so I hear!
With the shopping bought and the car fuelled up, Adam and I began our journey back to the cottage, with the light slowly starting to dwindle in The Highland sky. Knowing that the direct route to the cottage was out of bounds, we searched out an alternative path through the GPS. Thankfully, it came up trumps for us and took us back home via the banks of Loch Ness itself.
At first, we didn’t realise what the water to the right of the road was, but after mulling it over for a few moments, I declared to Adam “I think that’s Loch Ness you know”. We sat for a few moments more before Adam concurred that he felt the same.
A quick gander on the GPS’s map showed that we were indeed next to the famous Loch. I couldn’t believe our luck. We’d been planning to see the Loch before we left, but just hadn’t found time for it yet. I’d started to think we wouldn’t get a look, but here we were now coming across it in an act of pure chance. It felt like a bonus level on a video game or an Easter Egg on a DVD.
With light ebbing away over the misty hills, the Loch looked simply majestic. I wanted to pull over and have a more detailed look, but it was getting late and we’d already been out for almost an hour longer than we’d planned. Adam took the chance to take a few pictures of his phone. I told him that we had to come back tomorrow and take account of the place in more detail.
After passing The Loch, I came to the reassuring conclusion that I recognised where we were and knew we weren’t far from the cottage. At this point though, the mist that had been on the hills above Loch Ness was now sinking even lower to cover the windy roads that Adam and I were traversing. I slowed the car down as precaution. My view wasn’t completely obscured, but I wasn’t taking any chances. We were still a good distance from the cottage on foot and I didn’t think we’d get a prompt response from the AA should an accident take place so high up.
Thankfully, we made it back in one piece and returned to the cottage expecting a telling off from a hungry Luc and Pete. As luck would have it, the two were blissfully unaware of how long we’d been and were still cavorting in the boat.
Upon Pete and Luc’s return, we regaled them of our journey and I started work on dinner, curry with rice and Naan Bread. Pete’s eyes lit up when we told him of passing The Loch and he declared an interest to see it himself the next day. I repeated my desire to also return. It was decided then that our journey home would detour past the famous Loch. The excitement was palpable.
We ate relatively late due to our combined excursions. The curry turned out reasonably well but sadly I forgot about The Naan Breads and they weren’t burnt to a veritable crisp. No buys.
With it being our last night, Pete had planned something special unbeknownst to Adam and Luc. What it was, I shall describe in the next chapter.
I’ve been going by memory for all of this as I didn’t take notes while I was actually on the trip. This is mainly because I’d actually never intended to write about it when I got back. I aimlessly threw out the suggestion about halfway through the trip and when it met with a favourable reaction, I felt compelled to start writing upon our return.
Should we ever go on a group holiday again, I think I’ll decide in advance whether I want to blog about it and plan accordingly.
Anyway, when we last left things Pete and Luc were off for a boat ride whilst Adam and Myself were off to find a local small shop to buy provisions. As previously mentioned, Luc had looked on his phone to find somewhere and there looked to be a shop somewhere within 15-20 minutes from the cottage. Luc was able to acquire us a post code and we were on our way.
We set off down the country road in the car and spied Luc and Pete making their way into the loch in the boat. The weather, which had been dry up to that point, looked in danger of turning soft as the clouds above were slowly starting to darken. Sure enough, after a few minute’s drive, the clouds begin to weep as we drove to our destination. I thought of Luc and Pete in the boat and hoped they had dressed appropriately.
I stuck “Know Your Enemy” by The Manic Street Preachers in my car as we negotiated the narrow roads to our destination. I had found my way to The Manic’s thanks in part to TV host and Scotland’s own Dominik Diamond. During my youth, I’d been a huge fan of the show “Gamesmaster”, which Dominik had hosted.
He’d also had a column in Smash Hits magazine, which my friends would sometimes bring into school. This column was ostensibly about video games, because that was kind of Dominik’s thing at the time, but he’d spend most of it talking about this new-fangled band called The Manic Street Preachers.
At the time, I was a bit young to truly grasp that kind of music, but the name always stuck in my mind and when I matured, I decided I best listen to them, as Dominik Diamond said they were good. I’m pleased to say that Dominik didn’t let me down. The Manic’s are not everyone’s cup of tea, which I happily accept, and some might find an album like “Know Your Enemy” hard to digest, but I love it. “Found that soul” is generally one of the best songs I’ve heard, as is “Intravenous Agonistic”
Adam had never heard the album before, so I decided to stick it on for the journey. He didn’t hate it or anything, but I sensed he wasn’t truly digging it, so we swapped it out for “Year of the Spider” by Cold. I’d first come across them when they did some music for the WWE and had decided to buy this album as a result. Adam had by chance also acquired this album at some point, so it was something we were both familiar and comfortable with.
It was around this time that we realised that this shop was a little longer than 15 minutes away. In fact, it was actually closer to 45 and was in fact not a corner shop, but a Morrison’s situated in town!
Ah Luc, got to love him haven’t you? To be fair, we should shoulder some of the blame for not crosschecking where the daft sod was sending us, but hey-ho. There wasn’t much more we could do at this point other than enjoy the drive, and enjoy it we did.
We finally pulled up to said Morrison’s and nipped in to buy the essentials (bread, milk, Irn Brue, Tea etc). We decided to pick up some Tartan Special as we figured it would be the last chance in a while that we would be able to buy some and, to be quite honest, I actually quite liked it and wanted some more. We also picked up some Scotch Meat Pies for the journey back the next day. I’ve always been a fan of these and felt it only right to pick some up.
With our purchases of Bru, Tartan and Pie, we must have looked like the biggest bunch of tourists who ever touristed, but I didn’t care at that point. I was buying this stuff because I liked it, not because I was on holiday. I’d happily buy all of it at home, and indeed I still pick up an Irn Bru now and then. Why wouldn’t I? It’s made out of girders so I hear!
With the shopping bought and the car fuelled up, Adam and I began our journey back to the cottage, with the light slowly starting to dwindle in The Highland sky. Knowing that the direct route to the cottage was out of bounds, we searched out an alternative path through the GPS. Thankfully, it came up trumps for us and took us back home via the banks of Loch Ness itself.
At first, we didn’t realise what the water to the right of the road was, but after mulling it over for a few moments, I declared to Adam “I think that’s Loch Ness you know”. We sat for a few moments more before Adam concurred that he felt the same.
A quick gander on the GPS’s map showed that we were indeed next to the famous Loch. I couldn’t believe our luck. We’d been planning to see the Loch before we left, but just hadn’t found time for it yet. I’d started to think we wouldn’t get a look, but here we were now coming across it in an act of pure chance. It felt like a bonus level on a video game or an Easter Egg on a DVD.
With light ebbing away over the misty hills, the Loch looked simply majestic. I wanted to pull over and have a more detailed look, but it was getting late and we’d already been out for almost an hour longer than we’d planned. Adam took the chance to take a few pictures of his phone. I told him that we had to come back tomorrow and take account of the place in more detail.
After passing The Loch, I came to the reassuring conclusion that I recognised where we were and knew we weren’t far from the cottage. At this point though, the mist that had been on the hills above Loch Ness was now sinking even lower to cover the windy roads that Adam and I were traversing. I slowed the car down as precaution. My view wasn’t completely obscured, but I wasn’t taking any chances. We were still a good distance from the cottage on foot and I didn’t think we’d get a prompt response from the AA should an accident take place so high up.
Thankfully, we made it back in one piece and returned to the cottage expecting a telling off from a hungry Luc and Pete. As luck would have it, the two were blissfully unaware of how long we’d been and were still cavorting in the boat.
Upon Pete and Luc’s return, we regaled them of our journey and I started work on dinner, curry with rice and Naan Bread. Pete’s eyes lit up when we told him of passing The Loch and he declared an interest to see it himself the next day. I repeated my desire to also return. It was decided then that our journey home would detour past the famous Loch. The excitement was palpable.
We ate relatively late due to our combined excursions. The curry turned out reasonably well but sadly I forgot about The Naan Breads and they weren’t burnt to a veritable crisp. No buys.
With it being our last night, Pete had planned something special unbeknownst to Adam and Luc. What it was, I shall describe in the next chapter.
Wednesday 20 May 2015
Dominik Diamonds Are Forever - Mortal Kombat X
Mortal Kombat X (or “MK X” as all the cool kids are calling it) has been out for a month or so now and has come in for some relatively heavy criticism from certain folk.
The main cross the game has had to bare has been it’s questionable micro-transactions such as “easy fatalities” and “unlock everything”. This disregards of course that quite a few games prior to MK X have done stuff like this before much with less furore surrounding them.
Every WWE game since about 2010 has let you not only unlock everything with a season pass but it’s also let you go in and edit the existing characters stats any which way you want. Rather than people kicking off over that and doing a multitude of angry blogs and videos, people just got on with their lives. Because, despite everyone being so offended, you don’t actually have to purchase these things. They are optional extras that have no effect on the actual game.
Don’t want to buy easy fatalities? No worries, the fatalities are relatively easy to perform with a bit of practice anyway. Don’t want to unlock everything in The Krypt? Well just do it the old fashioned way and slog through it yourself. No one is forcing you to give in to the instant gratification. If you want to graft, you can do. I haven’t bought any easy fatalities, because what’s the point? Anyone who would shell out some money on something so facile deserves to be fleeced.
Screw having Goro behind a paywall though! That’s very poor form Midway. Yes, if you weren’t aware, four armed fan favourite Goro was available free with pre-orders but everyone else has to pay for him, even though he’s clearly on the disc and not downloadable content. He stares at you, cracking his knuckles tauntingly, while a prompt declares “press X to buy Goro”. No thanks Midway, you can do one. Make him free in a year’s time and we’ll talk.
And yet, I knock MK X for such an unforgiveable act of buffoonery, but will now praise them for some of the DLC offered. Jason Vorhees and The Predator as downloadable characters you say? Inspired!
But from that peak, we drop to a trough with the games story mode. Though not terrible, it lasts all of 4 hours and doesn’t even give us a chance to play with many of the characters (Ooo err). Super awesome Outworld Cowboy Erron Black? He’s probably in the story mode for all of 5 minutes and we barely get any grasp of who he is. Master Blaster inspired Ferra/Torr? Again, they pop in briefly before pooing off just as quickly.
And therein lies the biggest issue with MK X, it’s a collection of contradictions fighting to be the supreme overriding memory.
The gameplay is smooth and the graphics are fabulously detailed. The characters generally feel different from one another due to different fighting styles, so there’s always plenty of choice as to who you play as.
But then, the more realistic graphics only lead to making the fatalities feel less…jovial than they used to. It doesn’t help that after a gory finisher, the camera decides to focus on the losers already decaying remains as opposed to the victor celebrating their vicious victory. Hey, if you like looking at HD graphics of a body cleaved in two, then you probably found this to be a selling point. I on the other hand, found it somewhat uncomfortable.
One prominent characters fatality involves him literally ripping out another characters throat and then sticking it in their mouth, before pushing the victim to the ground with calm disdain. The camera then focuses on the still retching corpse until you exit to the main menu.
Sorry, but that’s too much. It’s a far cry from having an arcade cabinet crush someone in comical fashion or Smoke releasing a load of bombs until the Earth explodes like something from an Itchy and Scratchy cartoon.
The brutal fatality in question was doubly alarming to witness as it was performed on female character Mileena. The blood bubbled in her throat as my mate Adam declared “that looks just like an Aero”. Well I’ll never eat one of those again now, cheers mate.
Again, it wasn’t so much the fatality itself that bothered me, but the way it was presented. The camera could have cut from Mileena tumbling to the floor to showing the fight winner celebrating and taunting. We didn’t need a prolonged camera shot of a throatless woman’s corpse. Just no, it’s not required.
Stage fatalities may be gone in MK X, but the stages themselves all have interactive features that you can use during the course of a fight. You can still throw people into water fountains, swing on jungle vines and even use an old woman as an impromptu javelin as the battle rages on.
I used the word “smooth” to describe the gameplay earlier, and that it certainly is. It’s smoother than a pint of Caffreys. It is by the far the best element of the game and something that ultimately saves it from further scorn. When you get down to just the fighting, MK X really is superb. The fights feel free flowing and exciting. It’s actually enjoyable to watch your mates fight each other as the gameplay is so fun to watch.
There are, of course, obligatory online modes. These are fine if you like that sort of thing. I have played them and I’ve had no issues with lagging or anything like that. It’s a solid accoutrement and adds some life to the game.
Overall, MK X is a game I found quite difficult to rate. There’s aspects to it that are disappointing (the story mode), unnerving (Mate, get the camera away from the corpse FFS) and downright offensive (Seriously, Goro behind a paywall? Are you high?!?!)
However, there are things about the game which are excellent such as the graphics and the actual fighting itself.
I’ve ended up going for a 7 out of 10 for Mortal Kombat X. Worth a purchase if you like getting together with your pals and dishing out a beat down.
Peace Out
The main cross the game has had to bare has been it’s questionable micro-transactions such as “easy fatalities” and “unlock everything”. This disregards of course that quite a few games prior to MK X have done stuff like this before much with less furore surrounding them.
Every WWE game since about 2010 has let you not only unlock everything with a season pass but it’s also let you go in and edit the existing characters stats any which way you want. Rather than people kicking off over that and doing a multitude of angry blogs and videos, people just got on with their lives. Because, despite everyone being so offended, you don’t actually have to purchase these things. They are optional extras that have no effect on the actual game.
Don’t want to buy easy fatalities? No worries, the fatalities are relatively easy to perform with a bit of practice anyway. Don’t want to unlock everything in The Krypt? Well just do it the old fashioned way and slog through it yourself. No one is forcing you to give in to the instant gratification. If you want to graft, you can do. I haven’t bought any easy fatalities, because what’s the point? Anyone who would shell out some money on something so facile deserves to be fleeced.
Screw having Goro behind a paywall though! That’s very poor form Midway. Yes, if you weren’t aware, four armed fan favourite Goro was available free with pre-orders but everyone else has to pay for him, even though he’s clearly on the disc and not downloadable content. He stares at you, cracking his knuckles tauntingly, while a prompt declares “press X to buy Goro”. No thanks Midway, you can do one. Make him free in a year’s time and we’ll talk.
And yet, I knock MK X for such an unforgiveable act of buffoonery, but will now praise them for some of the DLC offered. Jason Vorhees and The Predator as downloadable characters you say? Inspired!
But from that peak, we drop to a trough with the games story mode. Though not terrible, it lasts all of 4 hours and doesn’t even give us a chance to play with many of the characters (Ooo err). Super awesome Outworld Cowboy Erron Black? He’s probably in the story mode for all of 5 minutes and we barely get any grasp of who he is. Master Blaster inspired Ferra/Torr? Again, they pop in briefly before pooing off just as quickly.
And therein lies the biggest issue with MK X, it’s a collection of contradictions fighting to be the supreme overriding memory.
The gameplay is smooth and the graphics are fabulously detailed. The characters generally feel different from one another due to different fighting styles, so there’s always plenty of choice as to who you play as.
But then, the more realistic graphics only lead to making the fatalities feel less…jovial than they used to. It doesn’t help that after a gory finisher, the camera decides to focus on the losers already decaying remains as opposed to the victor celebrating their vicious victory. Hey, if you like looking at HD graphics of a body cleaved in two, then you probably found this to be a selling point. I on the other hand, found it somewhat uncomfortable.
One prominent characters fatality involves him literally ripping out another characters throat and then sticking it in their mouth, before pushing the victim to the ground with calm disdain. The camera then focuses on the still retching corpse until you exit to the main menu.
Sorry, but that’s too much. It’s a far cry from having an arcade cabinet crush someone in comical fashion or Smoke releasing a load of bombs until the Earth explodes like something from an Itchy and Scratchy cartoon.
The brutal fatality in question was doubly alarming to witness as it was performed on female character Mileena. The blood bubbled in her throat as my mate Adam declared “that looks just like an Aero”. Well I’ll never eat one of those again now, cheers mate.
Again, it wasn’t so much the fatality itself that bothered me, but the way it was presented. The camera could have cut from Mileena tumbling to the floor to showing the fight winner celebrating and taunting. We didn’t need a prolonged camera shot of a throatless woman’s corpse. Just no, it’s not required.
Stage fatalities may be gone in MK X, but the stages themselves all have interactive features that you can use during the course of a fight. You can still throw people into water fountains, swing on jungle vines and even use an old woman as an impromptu javelin as the battle rages on.
I used the word “smooth” to describe the gameplay earlier, and that it certainly is. It’s smoother than a pint of Caffreys. It is by the far the best element of the game and something that ultimately saves it from further scorn. When you get down to just the fighting, MK X really is superb. The fights feel free flowing and exciting. It’s actually enjoyable to watch your mates fight each other as the gameplay is so fun to watch.
There are, of course, obligatory online modes. These are fine if you like that sort of thing. I have played them and I’ve had no issues with lagging or anything like that. It’s a solid accoutrement and adds some life to the game.
Overall, MK X is a game I found quite difficult to rate. There’s aspects to it that are disappointing (the story mode), unnerving (Mate, get the camera away from the corpse FFS) and downright offensive (Seriously, Goro behind a paywall? Are you high?!?!)
However, there are things about the game which are excellent such as the graphics and the actual fighting itself.
I’ve ended up going for a 7 out of 10 for Mortal Kombat X. Worth a purchase if you like getting together with your pals and dishing out a beat down.
Peace Out
Monday 18 May 2015
This and That: Rangers eat cake as Queens face the chop
Rangers squeaked past Queen of the South at Ibrox following an exciting Play Off Second Leg. They will now play Hibernian for the right to face Motherwell and gain promotion to the Premiership.
2-1 up on aggregate from the first leg, Rangers were heavily favoured coming into the contest, but Queens made them sweat when they took a 1-0 lead just before half time. With the away goal rule not in effect, this would have been enough for Extra Time and possibly penalties.
Rangers had come close on more than one occasion to taking the lead prior to Queens goal, but somehow had contrived to fail in converting their chances. On 35 minutes, Queens sprang a counter attack and Derek Lyle managed to head the ball past a despairing Cammy Bell to give the underdogs a surprising lead.
Queens were able to hold onto the lead as the half ended. The Rangers players were met with jeers and catcalls as they slouched off the pitch at the break. Despite the goal coming very much against the run of play, you had to wonder whether the players in Blue would have an answer to their predicament.
The answer was a muffled, rather than resounding, yes. But how nearly it was the opposite. With about an hour gone, Queens player Gavin Reilly found himself through on goal, with only Bell to beat. Horrifically for him though, his first touch was a despicably poor one and Bell gratefully collected it. A mere 2 minutes later, Rangers had the goal they needed.
In fairness to Rangers, the goal had been coming. Had Reilly been more fortuitous with his chance, it would have given Queens a genuinely shocking lead, as Rangers had been by fair the dominant side in the match. Despite missing some good chances, you always felt Rangers were capable of getting at least one, and get one they did courtesy of Lee Wallace.
Queens were most certainly gallant in defeat and deserve plaudits for pushing Rangers as they did. However, it is The Gers who will advance to face Hibs in the Semi Final.
Results this season suggest that Hibs would be favoured but, as history has taught us, a wise sage would never discount Hibs penchant for bottling big games As a browbeaten Hibee myself, I know all too well of Play Off pain when Hibs are the favoured side. The result with Hamilton last season still sticks in my craw.
If Rangers play like they did in the two legs with Queens, they should have more than enough to beat a Hibs side that fails to show up. Hibs will need to be at their best to get past the Glasgow Giants and earn a crunch game with The Well.
I hope, rather than expect, Hibs will be able to recall the great performances they’ve had against Rangers during the regular season and not be overawed by the occasion. I feel slightly more secure with Alan Stubbs behind the counter than I did when Terry Butcher was presiding over proceedings. But then again, that’s like saying I’d rather be at sea on a wooden raft instead of a Rich Tea biscuit.
One thing is for sure, the tie will be a tense and dramatic encounter. There is still plenty of promotion blood to be spilled this season. Both the match on Wednesday Night and Saturday Afternoon will be on BT Sport. Catch them if you get a chance!
Peace Out
2-1 up on aggregate from the first leg, Rangers were heavily favoured coming into the contest, but Queens made them sweat when they took a 1-0 lead just before half time. With the away goal rule not in effect, this would have been enough for Extra Time and possibly penalties.
Rangers had come close on more than one occasion to taking the lead prior to Queens goal, but somehow had contrived to fail in converting their chances. On 35 minutes, Queens sprang a counter attack and Derek Lyle managed to head the ball past a despairing Cammy Bell to give the underdogs a surprising lead.
Queens were able to hold onto the lead as the half ended. The Rangers players were met with jeers and catcalls as they slouched off the pitch at the break. Despite the goal coming very much against the run of play, you had to wonder whether the players in Blue would have an answer to their predicament.
The answer was a muffled, rather than resounding, yes. But how nearly it was the opposite. With about an hour gone, Queens player Gavin Reilly found himself through on goal, with only Bell to beat. Horrifically for him though, his first touch was a despicably poor one and Bell gratefully collected it. A mere 2 minutes later, Rangers had the goal they needed.
In fairness to Rangers, the goal had been coming. Had Reilly been more fortuitous with his chance, it would have given Queens a genuinely shocking lead, as Rangers had been by fair the dominant side in the match. Despite missing some good chances, you always felt Rangers were capable of getting at least one, and get one they did courtesy of Lee Wallace.
Queens were most certainly gallant in defeat and deserve plaudits for pushing Rangers as they did. However, it is The Gers who will advance to face Hibs in the Semi Final.
Results this season suggest that Hibs would be favoured but, as history has taught us, a wise sage would never discount Hibs penchant for bottling big games As a browbeaten Hibee myself, I know all too well of Play Off pain when Hibs are the favoured side. The result with Hamilton last season still sticks in my craw.
If Rangers play like they did in the two legs with Queens, they should have more than enough to beat a Hibs side that fails to show up. Hibs will need to be at their best to get past the Glasgow Giants and earn a crunch game with The Well.
I hope, rather than expect, Hibs will be able to recall the great performances they’ve had against Rangers during the regular season and not be overawed by the occasion. I feel slightly more secure with Alan Stubbs behind the counter than I did when Terry Butcher was presiding over proceedings. But then again, that’s like saying I’d rather be at sea on a wooden raft instead of a Rich Tea biscuit.
One thing is for sure, the tie will be a tense and dramatic encounter. There is still plenty of promotion blood to be spilled this season. Both the match on Wednesday Night and Saturday Afternoon will be on BT Sport. Catch them if you get a chance!
Peace Out
Wednesday 13 May 2015
This and That: Strauss makes a dry roasted mess of the KP situation
I must admit that I don’t follow cricket on a week to week (or should that be wicket to wicket?) basis, but I want to speak briefly about the Kevin Pietersen situation.
England’s new Director of Cricket, Andrew Strauss, announced yesterday that Pietersen would not be selected for any of the upcoming summer tests. For all intents and purposes, Pietersen’s England career is over.
This is all despite Pietersen turning down a lucrative deal with the IPL and playing in domestic county cricket with Surrey, in hopes of earning a call up. This also despite Pietersen having a pretty good stab at doing that as well.
Despite all this hard work and the desire that he had shown, Pietersen was called into a meeting on Monday night and was given the axe. The main reason for his being dropped? A “lack of trust”, which is up there with David Moyes deciding a youth team player has “attitude problems” when he wanted to justify not playing a Shane Duffy or Ross Barkley.
I wonder how many other England cricketers will fall by the wayside to this hackneyed and downright bush league excuse when Strauss decides he needs a handy excuse to drop someone.
Because let’s not beat around the bush here. Pietersen was dropped because Strauss has a personal gripe with him. This is ultimately the only reason he will no longer play for England. Pietersen was offered to oversee the one day team in a consulting capacity. Why would you offer such a position to someone if you had trust issues with them?
Answer: You wouldn’t
What Andrew Strauss has done with his very first act in his new role is show that he isn’t cut out for the job. I’m pretty sure England would lose The Ashes with or without Pietersen in all honesty, but that’s beside the point.
This wasn’t a test of whether Strauss could win The Ashes; but rather it was a test of whether he was capable of putting his own personal feelings and bias to one side for the good of the National Team. He has failed that spectacularly with this decision.
Regardless of whether England were to win The Ashes or not, it’s almost certain that they’d have a better chance of winning them with Pietersen than without. Andrew Strauss should concern himself with picking the best team possible. He has failed to do that by omitting Pietersen.
All this ultimately means is that when England crash in defeat to The Aussies, which they probably were always going to, England and Pietersen supporters will have an extra stick upon which to beat Strauss with.
If he had picked Pietersen, supporters could have comforted themselves with the idea that he picked the best side possible and it would have bought him sometime. As he hasn’t, it will be open season on Strauss following the likely defeat.
He has no one but himself to blame.
Peace Out
England’s new Director of Cricket, Andrew Strauss, announced yesterday that Pietersen would not be selected for any of the upcoming summer tests. For all intents and purposes, Pietersen’s England career is over.
This is all despite Pietersen turning down a lucrative deal with the IPL and playing in domestic county cricket with Surrey, in hopes of earning a call up. This also despite Pietersen having a pretty good stab at doing that as well.
Despite all this hard work and the desire that he had shown, Pietersen was called into a meeting on Monday night and was given the axe. The main reason for his being dropped? A “lack of trust”, which is up there with David Moyes deciding a youth team player has “attitude problems” when he wanted to justify not playing a Shane Duffy or Ross Barkley.
I wonder how many other England cricketers will fall by the wayside to this hackneyed and downright bush league excuse when Strauss decides he needs a handy excuse to drop someone.
Because let’s not beat around the bush here. Pietersen was dropped because Strauss has a personal gripe with him. This is ultimately the only reason he will no longer play for England. Pietersen was offered to oversee the one day team in a consulting capacity. Why would you offer such a position to someone if you had trust issues with them?
Answer: You wouldn’t
What Andrew Strauss has done with his very first act in his new role is show that he isn’t cut out for the job. I’m pretty sure England would lose The Ashes with or without Pietersen in all honesty, but that’s beside the point.
This wasn’t a test of whether Strauss could win The Ashes; but rather it was a test of whether he was capable of putting his own personal feelings and bias to one side for the good of the National Team. He has failed that spectacularly with this decision.
Regardless of whether England were to win The Ashes or not, it’s almost certain that they’d have a better chance of winning them with Pietersen than without. Andrew Strauss should concern himself with picking the best team possible. He has failed to do that by omitting Pietersen.
All this ultimately means is that when England crash in defeat to The Aussies, which they probably were always going to, England and Pietersen supporters will have an extra stick upon which to beat Strauss with.
If he had picked Pietersen, supporters could have comforted themselves with the idea that he picked the best side possible and it would have bought him sometime. As he hasn’t, it will be open season on Strauss following the likely defeat.
He has no one but himself to blame.
Peace Out
Monday 11 May 2015
This and That: This Week in Wrestling
Looking for something great to watch this week in the wacky world of wrestling? Here are a few suggestions from yours truly
Sign up to New Japan World and watch Invasion Attack and Dontaku
After a while of not watching NJPW, I decided to catch up after The “It Girl” Melanie Price gave me the impetus on the old Twitter machine. I can’t thank her enough, because these two shows are top stuff!
I’ve had an NJPW World subscription since January and it’s well worth the money. Sometimes the videos over buffer somewhat, but I often find that if you stick the videos on Low Quality it takes care of this and picture quality is just fine.
There is the annoying habit New Japan has of dubbing out most of their music. It’s not exactly the dubbed themes that bother me as much as the fact that they play them over the existing sound meaning that it drowns out the crowd. Here’s an idea New Japan, if you know a show is going online, why not have the wrestlers come out to the generic in house music in the arena to get around this issue?
I mean, it’s not like WWE Network where they have to dub over shows from the past by other companies. It’s your show and you’re running it now. If you can’t be bothered to spring the yen required to lease Jushin Liger’s theme, then don’t have him come out to in the arena. Play his generic in house theme and keep the actual Liger theme for House Shows.
This is a small gripe overall though. The wrestling in New Japan is quite sensational at times, and Invasion Attack from the 5th April 2015 is no exception. Highlights included a crazy Junior Heavyweight spot-fest between The Young Bucks and Roppongi Vice (Rocky Romero and former WWE/NXT stalwart Trent Berretta) as well as a scintillating main event between AJ Styles and Kota Ibushi.
AJ Styles in particular was excellent on the show, living up in every way to his “Phenomenal” nickname. AJ is one of those rare cases of a wrestler who seems to just keep getting better as time goes on. His heel mannerisms and crowd work are better now than they were even 2 years ago. He was brilliant back then and he’s somehow conspired to be even better today.
Ibushi is one of the wrestling world’s premier high flyers, and this match had no shortage of crazy high-spots. However, the match did also have a solid psychological foundation, with AJ being a heel and Ibushi fighting from underneath. I don’t tend to do star ratings anymore these days, but this match would be ****+ on most people’s watches. How much more it is than that depends on the individual. Still, the match was excellent and well worth signing up to NJPW World for.
I’ve not yet finished Dontaku, but I’ve seen most of the card and it’s another good one. Kenny Omega continues his streak as one of the most outrageously entertaining people in wrestling in his match with Alex Shelley. Some solid character work from both guys in this and some great near falls at the end.
Karl Anderson’s infatuation with former WWE Diva Maria led to some of the best moments of the show. Anderson and Doc (Formerly CM Punk SES Member, Luke) Gallows and Amber took on ROH’s Mike Bennett, Matt Taven and Maria in a 6 person tag match.
The big story coming in to this match was Anderson being smitten with Maria and it distracting him from getting the job done, as evidenced by Bennett and Taven defeating Anderson and Gallows on more than one occasion leading to the bout. Anderson was just brilliant in this. It was the little touches I liked. Andersons nickname is “The Machine Gun” so when he’s announced he mimes firing a machine gun while bullets play over the sound system.
On this occasion, he was so distracted thinking about Maria that he forget to do the machine gun mime, which is lovely little nuance that I really enjoyed. The match followed in a similar vein, with Anderson frequently getting distracted and Gallows chastising him. A really great Sports Entertainment™ Style match, which would probably work as a good bridge for people unfamiliar with New Japan who were thinking of crossing over from traditional western wrestling.
New Japan have placed quite a few American wrestlers in notable roles in the show (Anderson, Styles, Omega, Shelley etc) which I think is to help entice non-Japanese viewers to watch the shows a bit more, by giving them someone who they can understand and follow. On paper, this would appear to be a smart move, and we’ll see if it helps more people to make the transition over.
Both Invasion Attack and Dontaku are available now at njpwworld.com
You can subscribe for 999 yen a month. I suggest anyone who is looking for a regular alternative to WWE to check it out, even if it’s for just a month or two
Not a WWE Network subscriber? Sign up this month for free!
So yes, WWE are doing another in a seemingly endless string of “free months” on The Network for new subscribers. Sitting on the fence and not sure whether to sign up? Well get yourself a free month and find out. Now’s as good a time as ever.
My recent regular watch has been WCW Nitro’s from the spring/summer of 1996. This has mainly been brought about by both Scott Keith reviewing them on his blog (www.rspwfaq.net ) as well as Bryan, Vinny and Craig reviewing them on their weekly podcast over at www.f4wonline.com
I started off around March time and have just finished watching Bash at the Beach 96. It’s funny watching the company evolve and change around this time. When I first started tuning in the company was still being built around Hulk Hogan as the hero babyface taking on recycled 80’s monsters, with Randy Savage as his loyal sidekick.
Then, sometime around April, Hogan skips town to make movies or some such, and the company becomes all about a Randy Savage and Ric Flair blood feud for a while. The shows improve exponentially at this point, as Ric Flair cuts many a wild promo while openly spending the Macho Man’s alimony (While it also being suggested that he’s nailing Savage’s ex-wife Elizabeth during this. Her footing the bill for Flair’s mad escapades is just so funny for some reason and great heel shtick). Savage goes promptly nuts and awesomeness ensues.
Add to that the interesting layered storyline between Lex Luger and Sting, wherein Luger was a heel but babyface Sting was still his friend and thusly getting dragged into all sorts of situations that he didn’t want to be dragged into, and it really wasn’t surprising why Nitro was doing so well at this point in time.
The show really was captivating, even if lots of points on it didn’t make sense and storylines seemed to change on a whim. If you get a chance, I’d recommend watching one of the Raw’s from that time period to compare and contrast the two. Nitro seems fresh and edgy while Raw feels stale and by the numbers.
And then on the 29th May 1996, Scott Hall appears for the first time and everything goes nuclear. This is another instance where some storylines are modified and others are downright changed completely to accommodate the “invasion” of Hall and later Kevin Nash.
Though it is somewhat jarring to see so many things get chucked out with the bath water to accommodate the arrival of The Outsiders, Lex Luger is just a full-fledged babyface all of a sudden without much explanation for instance, the fact remains that the storyline of two wrestlers invading and causing havoc makes compulsive viewing.
Kevin Nash in particular as a snarky big guy is brilliant. On the go home show for Bash at the Beach, he and Hall purchase tickets for the show and sit on the front row. When security guards come over to inspect them, Nash yells mockingly “We came to see the big boys!”
An angle on an earlier show sees The Outsiders crash a tag title match with baseball bats, so ARMED POLICE come out to stop them! It’s amazing seeing WCW, a company not usually renowned for getting new people over, do such a masterful job of making these two men look like such a gigantic threat to the company. They had nothing but baseball bats and WCW were so freaked out that they required policemen with guns to counter them. Just incredible stuff!
I can’t recommend these shows strongly enough. Well worth your time considering they’re free for a month if you’re a brand new subscriber.
I also highly recommend you read Keith’s rants as well. They make a great companion piece to the actual shows. Scott’s irrational love for a certain JTTS makes for great reading to boot.
Head to www.wwe.com/network to sign up
Head to www.rspwfaq.net to read Scott Keith’s musings
And head to www.f4wonline.com to listen to the Bryan and Vinny Show, along with other shows. Sign up and you can get even MORE content, along with both the Wrestling Observer and Figure Four Weekly Newsletters
Here’s hoping I’ve made money for someone today. Hey, if I like something I try to spread the word. The world of a wrestling fan would be worse off without these things to populate it
One final plug. Grand Pro Wrestling returns to the Rose Club Hindley this Friday. Visit www.grandprowrestling.co.uk for further information
In addition, Future Shock Wrestling returns to Prestwich this Saturday, when Jack Gallagher takes on Zack Gibson. For more information, visit www.futureshockwrestling.co.uk for further information
And that, to quote Carl Clinch, is AAAAAALLLLLLLLLL the plugs
Watch some wrestling this week, there’s plenty on offer!
Peace Out
Sign up to New Japan World and watch Invasion Attack and Dontaku
After a while of not watching NJPW, I decided to catch up after The “It Girl” Melanie Price gave me the impetus on the old Twitter machine. I can’t thank her enough, because these two shows are top stuff!
I’ve had an NJPW World subscription since January and it’s well worth the money. Sometimes the videos over buffer somewhat, but I often find that if you stick the videos on Low Quality it takes care of this and picture quality is just fine.
There is the annoying habit New Japan has of dubbing out most of their music. It’s not exactly the dubbed themes that bother me as much as the fact that they play them over the existing sound meaning that it drowns out the crowd. Here’s an idea New Japan, if you know a show is going online, why not have the wrestlers come out to the generic in house music in the arena to get around this issue?
I mean, it’s not like WWE Network where they have to dub over shows from the past by other companies. It’s your show and you’re running it now. If you can’t be bothered to spring the yen required to lease Jushin Liger’s theme, then don’t have him come out to in the arena. Play his generic in house theme and keep the actual Liger theme for House Shows.
This is a small gripe overall though. The wrestling in New Japan is quite sensational at times, and Invasion Attack from the 5th April 2015 is no exception. Highlights included a crazy Junior Heavyweight spot-fest between The Young Bucks and Roppongi Vice (Rocky Romero and former WWE/NXT stalwart Trent Berretta) as well as a scintillating main event between AJ Styles and Kota Ibushi.
AJ Styles in particular was excellent on the show, living up in every way to his “Phenomenal” nickname. AJ is one of those rare cases of a wrestler who seems to just keep getting better as time goes on. His heel mannerisms and crowd work are better now than they were even 2 years ago. He was brilliant back then and he’s somehow conspired to be even better today.
Ibushi is one of the wrestling world’s premier high flyers, and this match had no shortage of crazy high-spots. However, the match did also have a solid psychological foundation, with AJ being a heel and Ibushi fighting from underneath. I don’t tend to do star ratings anymore these days, but this match would be ****+ on most people’s watches. How much more it is than that depends on the individual. Still, the match was excellent and well worth signing up to NJPW World for.
I’ve not yet finished Dontaku, but I’ve seen most of the card and it’s another good one. Kenny Omega continues his streak as one of the most outrageously entertaining people in wrestling in his match with Alex Shelley. Some solid character work from both guys in this and some great near falls at the end.
Karl Anderson’s infatuation with former WWE Diva Maria led to some of the best moments of the show. Anderson and Doc (Formerly CM Punk SES Member, Luke) Gallows and Amber took on ROH’s Mike Bennett, Matt Taven and Maria in a 6 person tag match.
The big story coming in to this match was Anderson being smitten with Maria and it distracting him from getting the job done, as evidenced by Bennett and Taven defeating Anderson and Gallows on more than one occasion leading to the bout. Anderson was just brilliant in this. It was the little touches I liked. Andersons nickname is “The Machine Gun” so when he’s announced he mimes firing a machine gun while bullets play over the sound system.
On this occasion, he was so distracted thinking about Maria that he forget to do the machine gun mime, which is lovely little nuance that I really enjoyed. The match followed in a similar vein, with Anderson frequently getting distracted and Gallows chastising him. A really great Sports Entertainment™ Style match, which would probably work as a good bridge for people unfamiliar with New Japan who were thinking of crossing over from traditional western wrestling.
New Japan have placed quite a few American wrestlers in notable roles in the show (Anderson, Styles, Omega, Shelley etc) which I think is to help entice non-Japanese viewers to watch the shows a bit more, by giving them someone who they can understand and follow. On paper, this would appear to be a smart move, and we’ll see if it helps more people to make the transition over.
Both Invasion Attack and Dontaku are available now at njpwworld.com
You can subscribe for 999 yen a month. I suggest anyone who is looking for a regular alternative to WWE to check it out, even if it’s for just a month or two
Not a WWE Network subscriber? Sign up this month for free!
So yes, WWE are doing another in a seemingly endless string of “free months” on The Network for new subscribers. Sitting on the fence and not sure whether to sign up? Well get yourself a free month and find out. Now’s as good a time as ever.
My recent regular watch has been WCW Nitro’s from the spring/summer of 1996. This has mainly been brought about by both Scott Keith reviewing them on his blog (www.rspwfaq.net ) as well as Bryan, Vinny and Craig reviewing them on their weekly podcast over at www.f4wonline.com
I started off around March time and have just finished watching Bash at the Beach 96. It’s funny watching the company evolve and change around this time. When I first started tuning in the company was still being built around Hulk Hogan as the hero babyface taking on recycled 80’s monsters, with Randy Savage as his loyal sidekick.
Then, sometime around April, Hogan skips town to make movies or some such, and the company becomes all about a Randy Savage and Ric Flair blood feud for a while. The shows improve exponentially at this point, as Ric Flair cuts many a wild promo while openly spending the Macho Man’s alimony (While it also being suggested that he’s nailing Savage’s ex-wife Elizabeth during this. Her footing the bill for Flair’s mad escapades is just so funny for some reason and great heel shtick). Savage goes promptly nuts and awesomeness ensues.
Add to that the interesting layered storyline between Lex Luger and Sting, wherein Luger was a heel but babyface Sting was still his friend and thusly getting dragged into all sorts of situations that he didn’t want to be dragged into, and it really wasn’t surprising why Nitro was doing so well at this point in time.
The show really was captivating, even if lots of points on it didn’t make sense and storylines seemed to change on a whim. If you get a chance, I’d recommend watching one of the Raw’s from that time period to compare and contrast the two. Nitro seems fresh and edgy while Raw feels stale and by the numbers.
And then on the 29th May 1996, Scott Hall appears for the first time and everything goes nuclear. This is another instance where some storylines are modified and others are downright changed completely to accommodate the “invasion” of Hall and later Kevin Nash.
Though it is somewhat jarring to see so many things get chucked out with the bath water to accommodate the arrival of The Outsiders, Lex Luger is just a full-fledged babyface all of a sudden without much explanation for instance, the fact remains that the storyline of two wrestlers invading and causing havoc makes compulsive viewing.
Kevin Nash in particular as a snarky big guy is brilliant. On the go home show for Bash at the Beach, he and Hall purchase tickets for the show and sit on the front row. When security guards come over to inspect them, Nash yells mockingly “We came to see the big boys!”
An angle on an earlier show sees The Outsiders crash a tag title match with baseball bats, so ARMED POLICE come out to stop them! It’s amazing seeing WCW, a company not usually renowned for getting new people over, do such a masterful job of making these two men look like such a gigantic threat to the company. They had nothing but baseball bats and WCW were so freaked out that they required policemen with guns to counter them. Just incredible stuff!
I can’t recommend these shows strongly enough. Well worth your time considering they’re free for a month if you’re a brand new subscriber.
I also highly recommend you read Keith’s rants as well. They make a great companion piece to the actual shows. Scott’s irrational love for a certain JTTS makes for great reading to boot.
Head to www.wwe.com/network to sign up
Head to www.rspwfaq.net to read Scott Keith’s musings
And head to www.f4wonline.com to listen to the Bryan and Vinny Show, along with other shows. Sign up and you can get even MORE content, along with both the Wrestling Observer and Figure Four Weekly Newsletters
Here’s hoping I’ve made money for someone today. Hey, if I like something I try to spread the word. The world of a wrestling fan would be worse off without these things to populate it
One final plug. Grand Pro Wrestling returns to the Rose Club Hindley this Friday. Visit www.grandprowrestling.co.uk for further information
In addition, Future Shock Wrestling returns to Prestwich this Saturday, when Jack Gallagher takes on Zack Gibson. For more information, visit www.futureshockwrestling.co.uk for further information
And that, to quote Carl Clinch, is AAAAAALLLLLLLLLL the plugs
Watch some wrestling this week, there’s plenty on offer!
Peace Out
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